Indifference

So called because the ositive and the negative are pretty much equal. Perhaps indiffernece is the wrong word but ive got that alevel in english literature not language! So yeah had an interview with a recruitment agency but its not got very far as i dived out of the house forgetting the relevent documentation they needed...bad start. So i have to go drop that in on monday.

Work was ok last night, got to bar someone. But then some people came in for a lock in, were very rude and ignored me even though i stayed up till 2am to serve them. Not impressed. And i had to bar someone who was obviously mentally unhinged. Had a good cry at about 4am this morning because...well because im an emotional fag at the moment. Smeared makeup all over my face and teh back of my hand and achieved that goth/emo/scene look attempted by so many.

My skin has cleared up laods which is suprising considering the stress i am under but starting to feel down about the being single thing again. I know its only seeming a big deal because of everything else going on so i am trying to grit my teeth and get on with it. Trying being the oprative word. Argh its so hard having a "crazy brain" as Maz puts it. I am sick of sitting around in my own filth waiting for people to get back to me. Ive held up my end of the bargin why cant they? I have sent my CV to about 100 people and jobs and so far nothing. Granted i was an idiot to forget my passport but that is easily rectified.

Anyway posted off mums mothers day card today so that should go some way to show her im not a total fuck up. Sean has been giving me his point of view on mine and my mother relationship, and whilst i agree to a point we will never fully reach an agreement on it as we had totally different upbringings. I love him for talking to me about it though. I mean the woman is the only parent i have, i cant afford to lose her too.

Worst day ever

So had my social work interview today i think i fluffed it, he asked me a question on social work and i just froze. I then just bullshitted and bluffed my way through it and i knew he could tell. It was crap. Then i called my mum and she yelled at me saying she knew i would give it all up, then yelled because of my brothers birthday that i forgot. so made me feel like shit. Then to top it off i walked half an hour for a dental nurse interview only to be told that if i left after less then a year id have to pay them £1000, if i didnt get on with the other girls id be fired. Nice. So all in all its been a shockingly shit day. :(

Well alls well that started....er

Well that lasted a while. :(

Mr Nurse dumped me, he didnt want a relationship.

Go me eh

:(

So its VD day

Thanks CBC ha ha, so yes VD day and a friend and i decide enough bullshit lets get together. So we did. Yey for us. So Charlie has one of them boyfriend things she wants...Charlie is one happy lady indeed!

Other things, me and Sean had a huge fight, turns out i was being a wanky friend yet again (though some of what he yelled at me for totally isnt my fault) but Fri and Sat was amazing. Like totally amazing. Its like he actually listened to me about how much i missed him and he made the biggest effort. I am so happy with him. Hes having a big BBQ tomorrow, im in tow minds about wehter to go. I dont want to ruin what we have if i am honest. Too much time together fucked it up last time and i am going to a fool to let that happen again. So i might give it a miss and veg out. Costs too much to get home anyway ha ha.

So all in all im pretty ok..yes i here you cry, no more miserable emo blogging, its all very boring (hey you dont have to read it!!) but yes im pretty sure itl be loved up and wonderful for a while :P

And concerning the new bf, he is called ROb but for entertaiment purposes he is Mr Nurse. He is a nurse. Hence the name...anyway, he has a car, a nice house 2minutes walk from mine and i think he likes me lots too :) Thats pretty much a good thing when you are ina relationship. Though it cant be that serious, he hasnt changed his facebook status yet...


Lol

Charlie Awesome Cat

Stuff wat is happening like

Feeling more positive again, it would be nice to stop these up and down moods but whats a girl to do. Not much has changed but i have my social work interview one the 26th of February. But as of yet no job. I was hoping UWE would have got back to me but so far they haven't, looks like i'l be applying for Frenchay jobs again. Yuck. Still single and all that jazz but i wont go into that really, when im being silly about it im being REALLY silly about it, so im trying not to think about the silly thoughts wizzing round and round.

Il keep you posted.

Mixed bag

Il get the sad shit out of the way first. Im constantly horny, everyone i've fancied finds a friend more attractive and i have never felt so low about the way i look, ever. I don't know what im doing wrong, i try to be witty and confident, i try and show im interested when i meet a guy i like, i try and look nice (i madea real effort this weekend, i put on lippy and everything). It's got to the point where the only two crushes i have are on very attached men. Safer option i suppose. Sitting with Max on Sat was heart breaking, hearing her talk about her wedding in August. Because i feel so down on myself i start thinking really stupid thoughts like im never going to find anyone. Which then depresses me further because i know how pathetic and creepy it sounds. I dont need a man to define me...or make me happy...but i would love to feel attractive for once, to have that guy want to talk to me, to want to kiss me, i want to date, to have a crush, to have that awkward touching under the table blah blah blah. Internet dating isso forced, id rather meet someone off the cuff. Anyway enough of me being miserable.

I am applying for a job at the zoo doing what i am good at! Doing talks for the public about the animals!! Yey!! Wish me luck.

Karma is offically the dogs fucking bollocks

So i bump into an old mate last night, who was mine and K's mate. Turns out the girl he was with dumped him three months ago and got engaged to some other fella two weeks later and moved to Leicester. Thats for cheating on me. Then he has to move out of his flat and back in with his parents because hes fallen out with his mate. Thats for calling me fat. And to top it off he never graduated from UWE, he failed a module so now he has to come back! Thats for telling people i was shit in bed.

Ah now i can move on.

Charlie, the cat who got the cream.