Theres a girl in his bed...

My (real) name, my height, apparently is nice and he's breaking his fourth date rule (which he never kept for me but when did we "date?"


And im 95% ok with it!
Go go gadget self therapy! Who needs prozac?!

On the negative side it means he will make me sleep on the sofa :(

Things are looking up up up

I have met someone else, horrah i hear you cry! Another blind internet date, which actually worked out. Lovely, tall gentleman who is sweet, complimentary and thinks im uber sexy :P loves my arse, buys the drinks and is just lovely :)

Happy happy Charlie.

When will they realise?

Iam not just going to forget about what they did over a few nights. Don't fucking make me dress up and tell me i look hot when i look like a lump, then drag me out to a club i think is really wank, tell me you will stick by me all night then ditch me for men...AGAIN. Im sorry im so totally disgusting that men dont want to snog me, but i would have thought i was more important then some snog.

They keep saying "oooh we will set you up with..." I dont need setting up. Im perfectly capable picking my own unsuitable boyfriends thankyou. Hell in a hand-basket why did i get stuck with these people? What the hell did i do to deserve this bollocks? I am so disappointed with the human race right now. There isnt many people i have left i can truly count on. I dont even have a "best mate".

I never used to be like this. I used to have more friends then i knew what to do with. Now i have a handful and most of them cant be bothered to treat me properly.

Sigh at least i have that date tonight. Im sure he will be horribly disappointed when i turn up but what are you going to do.

Sigh

The whole world is wank.

House mates are ghey

Dont ever trust your house mates. They promise you good times and snog people anyway


Cunts

Well thats one country on my nuclear bomb list.

I was persuaded to dump Belgian today due to the fact he has been been calling me fat amongst other things all week. I went to his on Sunday night and at first it went well. We settled down to watch the grandprix and had a snuggle and a kiss in the breaks. A bit of upper body fondling etc. Then i had a nice dinner with him and his flatmate and went back to his room.

He fucking bit me. Hard. Not in a sexy nibbly pant wetting bite, a hard bite, on my stomach. I have also come away with a huge bruise on my left breast. No idea where that came from.

So in short i have been laughing off his insensitive jokes, pretending that im ok with it when really im actually really hurt. I told him last night that i wasn't happy with the way he spoke to me and hes been distant with me all day. Then he says "see ive resisted making comments all day!" and im thinking what the fuck! You shouldnt have to resist making comments, if you like someone you tell them they look nice or you how much youlook forward to seeing them. Am i over reacting here?

But (and there is always a but) he did pick me up from Seans on Sunday, it wasnt exactly close, he did text me loads when he was in Spain, that wasnt exactly cheap and he kissed me on the forehead and made me smile. Have i been too hasty?

Guess i wont know now.

Back to the drawing board.

Forced to write something nice...

Apparently i don't write enough positive stuff so i will describe my weekend :)

As the blog below states i woke up on Friday feeling horribly sad and rubbish so Sean encouraged me by being a bastard to go over to his early. Once i got outside i felt a lot better and after riding the buses for the best part of two hours i got over there. His friend was over playing Warhammer and then his friends girlfriend turned up.

We all ate a gorgeous dinner provided by Sean was eaten and enjoyed then, of course, we all buggered off to the pub! It was an ace evening and i haven't laughed so much in ages.

The next night Sean got very drunk and rambled at me for an hour. It was the first time he has actually opened up to me properly. I'm nowhere near close to learning about what makes him tick but at least i realised a few home truths about myself and him.

Pass the prozac please...

I have woken this morning feeling terribly sad. Rather retarded as there is nothing to be sad about. But Sean has told me to upsticks and go over there so i will. We can sit and be miserable together whilst he does some washing. He's cooking roast dinner for tea tonight too, hardly in the diet plan but im at the point where i dont give a shit right now.

Maybe going outside will make me feel better :)

espanol senior

Belgium is in Spain and is texting me at 50p a pop so he must be keenish. Feeling ever so giggly and silly when he does text me so i must be keen too.

Diet is going well, sort of. Im craving things because i know i cant have them but i am desperate to lose the weight. I should have a picture taken of me naked so i can stick it on the fridge. Might scare my housemates into staying out of the kitchen too ha ha.

Hopefully off to see boy and ben on friday. Have text Ben but no reply. He never messages me back the bum hole. Boy has escorted herself off to Southampton for three days without telling anyone. A little unsave if you ask me but who am i to judge, I met Beligium for an hour and let him drive me home (oh yes he drives, has a flat and a job, what a winner!)

Decorated my room yesterday, skipped two days worth of lectures and have spent a ton of money too. Well for once i can afford it so i may as well take advantage ha ha.

News just in he just text me (again) to tell me he has just come back form the beach. Looking out the window has made me feel like i might be developing SAD! I dont mind the rain but everyone seems to feel so melencholoy at the moment, im sure it isnt helping!

Bugger theres cookies downstairs...

Whats that coming over the hill...

Its a man thats what! Ive done it! Ive met a man! Though we shall see how it goes. Im getting a little over excited for someone who has only met him once anddrunk coffee. He drove me home though, and tickled me :P

Im going to try and take it slowly. Men in my experience are dogs and are always sniffing the crutches of other women. "Don't invest too much so early this time" said a wise friend this morning.

The diet started today as well. Oh yes, i have 9 weeks to lose a stone...Pray for me.

It was all so middle class

I cooked two dinners today. The first one turned into white wine custard as i failed to print off a receipe to make a white wine sauce. I went to town to buy a coat instead. Its a nice coat. Anyway with half the shopping gone in the bin i relented and used a packet mix and added shit to it. Not actual shit. Wine, honey, mustard, onion etc etc. Turned out quite nice and ben had two helpings. However i have a tummy ache. I dont know if that was because i was eating all the stuff before it was cooked or what. Probably is.

Of course it was amazing that the dinner even happend what with the cooker "blowing up". THere i was minding my own businss when a large bang came from the area of the hob and black smoke came out. The electrian took 1.5 hours to get there and we were told it was just the light that had blown up. One fucking light. Gah. Ah well no charge was made and dnner went on as planned.

It was a nice evening, made nicer by the fact the two of them didnt mention all the shit going on :) Well done to them. Apparetly im seeing the boy for lunch tomorrow and then popping over to see ben on Friday to sit doing nothing untill i have to meet friends later. Just like the good old days. As me and whats his face are in happy land again i can go into the pub he works at and get bladdered too :P

Oh and one nice person as got hold of me on the net datinf thing, he seems nice. Im sure he'l turn out to be a heart breaking rapist but il give him the benefit of the doubt for now :)

Pub quiz

Trying to organise a Nurse Soc pub quiz is hard work. Especially when its lunch time and you are still in your PJ's. So much for the promises of making this year a good year. Internet dating is going not very well. It seems i am repugnant to the other sex even when they are desperate enough to join a website to find lurve. Ha Ha.

Ben and boy-face are coming over for dinner tomorrow which will be nice. I also went out to dinner last night with some friends. She cooked sunday roast and i ended up drink far too much wine and we deleved into the realms of our fucked up families and childhoods. Its nice to finally have people i can properly open up to without feeling embaressed or guilty. I'm quite self obsessed but i always feel guilty when i want to talk about whats bothering me. Thats why i get into messes like i am.

I should shower

Peace out

Just when you thought it couldnt get worse

I have now signed up for online dating.

Just stab me now

Hangovers and friends

Out on the piss (again) last night. Bumped into the ex who ignored me, man that irritated me. He was wearing that stupid, dirty, smelly, hat. Gah but it doesnt matter as i had an awesome night out at the SU with Beth and her bf whos lovely then met the old Student president of the uni, Guy, and ended up on the piss with him
he's amamzing!

Shame he is gay.


Anyway the quest for a bf goes on. Its not going well but it does indeed go on :)

oh yeah that nutter...

The one from the pub.

Told me he was in love with me so i informed him he was unhinged.

I want a normal life :(

shit + fan

Sean found the blog. He doesnt like the blog. Yeah im being unfair when i talk about him but its my feelings, its going to be onesided.

Apparetly im not a good friend. I dont think he has any idea how hypocritical he is. He has systematically built me up and ripped me apart. Ive tried to be a good mate, and i have got it horribly wrong sometimes but this is taking the piss. Yeah i have made his life pretty hard for the last few months, but it could have all been sorted if he was just honest with me.

Maybe its me. Maybe he just cant open up to me. Maybe there is something fundimentally wrong with me that makes him act like this. I am just utterly lost. All i want is for him to be happy. Maybe he would be happier without me. I doubt i will hear from him again after this last lot of words.

I am trying so hard to do this but i dont think i can. He doesnt need my attitude and i dont need his at the moment. I dont know i guess i will just have to wait from him to contact me (ha ha). I wouldnt blame him if he cut ties.

Is it so much to ask for your friend to open up to you? Fuck it. Sean if you are reading this, which i am sure you are, i'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything i did to hurt you and i hope you are sorry too. Just tell me what you need me to do and you wont be mentioned here again. Ever.

Gah

Anyway i was out on the piss last night with some uni mates and have end up with a cold and a hangover. Had a jolly time and i love Pips house. I am so moving to nine tree hill the minute my lease runs out here. I hate it here.

Hope everything works out.