Mr T on radio one.

Its a long one but bare with it, it is one of the funniest things i have listened to for a long time! Enjoy. http://downloads.bbc.co.uk/podcasts/radio1/mills/mills_20090227-1820a.mp3

Date two, the break down

Il start off by saying that reading Willards blog before i wrote that makes me feel a million better...there are nice, decent, funny, intelligent blokes out there who are struggling to find lady friends too.

Date tonight, not much to say, the guy was nice and all, made me laugh but he was really twitchy and sketchy, a bit of a loser (by that i mean hes had loads of shit jobs, has sofa surfed too much for me to comfortable with and barely looked me in the eye all night and was a heavy rec drug user) made me laugh and was quite attractive but meh he didn't do it for me and i am standing by my conviction of not settling.

So il heave myself back on the horse, he's out there for me somewhere, i mean seriously if half the retards i know can be in nice relationships i can too right...?

In other news im off to vist my rents and mates next week, will prob come back with some more face metal...who knows.

Date-gate...the aftermath

So for a few short hours i thought the lumbering, tin foil hat wearing, weed smoking man monster wasn't going to be today. But alas he was. Every time i got up to use the toilet i could feel his eyes in the back of my head and walking back was worse because i had to stare straight ahead like a blind person or playing with my hair like an barbie or even inspecting my now very interesting sleeve...pathetic isnt it?

However as i have told more or less EVERY woman i work with that he is a complete mental and what he said to the charity worker i think he won't be taking anymore unsuspecting ladies out for dates...or "dates" as really it was more of a social experiment.

I have another date on Thursday curteousy of match.com. He seems lovely and although he isn'y someone i would usually be attracted to (Hes very good looking, well travelled and a hot body so i instantly think hes too good for me) he has seen my photos and seem silly enough to accept the offer of a drink...i just hope he isnt dissapointed...

I know Maz posted it but

It cheers me up having such a retarded cat

There's a fish in your bank account

So i just came back from the date. The guy was an ass hole! He was rude to the women in front of us in the food que, he yelled at the TV in the pub because Jade Goody was on it, he was very rude to the bar staff, he told me he make documentaries that will bring Britain to its knees, he was tired because he was making prank phone calls at 4am (hes 28) and when we were stopped by a charity fund-raiser raising for clic-sargent (hospital houses for dying children) he told them he wouldn't donate because it was "population control". Oh that and he is a massive stoner who doesn't drink and hates people that due, he did not want to talk about his past and he told me he has a swiss bank account due to the fact he was a Financial adviser a few years ago and he now knows how the government invents credit crunches to keep the population down.

After that i thanked him for the Pepsi and said that this wasn't really what i expected and il be going home now. At first he didn't believe me, untill i walked away. I don't think he expected that. My god he was such a letch! Constantly trying to kiss me and hole my hand, spinning retarded lines...

Are there any normal men out there? Seriously?

OMG OMG OMG OMG

Ahem.

Today a boy gave me his number, unprompted. He's been catching my eye and smiling at me for two days and on my way out tonight he stopped me, told me his name was Matt and after some texting on the way home we have arranged to meet tomorrow at 2.

I am so out of my comfort zone, though it is very nice that a man has taken charge. He is very much my "type" big, hairy, ruby player type with crinkly eyes when he smiles, gorgeous grin and big hands!

I shall keep you all updated on what happens tomorrow!

The cat is drinking my water again, is ok if i drink out of it now? Or will i catch cat AIDS...they can do that you know the sneaky fuckers...

Crocodiles ate my baby.

So i first apologise for the below post which was written after a very very emotionally charged and drunken evening. i have promised Mike that i will not write about him here any more and to keep the peace with Dan i will not be writing about him either. (The complaints never change anyway). I don't think i'm going mental, Ben is worried and i can see why. I am struggling.

I may go to a wedding tomorrow. It's an excuse to wear a dress innit.

ANGER

I am angry...very angry. I have made some promise tonight so i can't really go too deep. Deleted from Facebook. Ok thats fine, why would i care (i have a hack, check me out) i only hope tomorrow, if it goes ahead goes ok. I a feeling shit, again can't go into it due to promise but the emotions i am feeling are let down, sad, angry and exposed.

I feel like i am sat in a big ship in a big sea and i am on my own. I miss having that person thier all time, i feel i am intruding, i feel i have been made to look the bad guy in a stupid game of oneupmanship, i am jealous that people don't struggle when they should and i am left to flounder. I feel taken advantage of, beaten and upset.

Le fin

hmmm

Shouldn't have called her a bitch, i have no beef with her...

i can't sleep

Because of some loud bitch downstairs, i don't know if she is faking orgasms or she just feels the need to talk really loudly at 1am but she needs to fucking die. So now i have to keep my tv on to drown out the muffled cries. Yes i'm grumpy.

My life is taking a downturn as my sister has felt the need to sign me up to match.com to increase my chances of finding love. I told her ive tried Internet dating and you only meet wanker and cocks on the net (this has been proved a lot in my experience). As she spent the best part of £20 i thought what the hell...until i realised she has been sharing my account and reading the emails. Not impressed in the slightest, i was trying to make her feel like i appreciated what she was doing but to first sign me up and then force herself on me is pretty much the behaviour that leads us to fall out every time. She needs to control everything around her and throws a fit if you have the audacity yo tell her you're not interested.

Have increased my hours at work to try and save for my new place, Mike asked me if it was because of him we were moving out. It isn't but his problems are a factor. He burnt some books on the BBQ today, they were weird fucked up books about porn that he had bought on recommendation from someone because the author was supposed to be good. It turns out they were mostly transcripts from child porn cases. Weird. Of course finding out that apparently living us is like living in hell was also a bit of a blow (pot kettle?) i've tried to keep the house together but i'm tired. Very tired. I don't see why i have to put in the effort, run round after people asking for money for 2 weeks whilst more and more final notices drop through the door. Who the hell put me in charge? I am tempted to cut the Virgin and get freeview, less hassle for me as i''m the only one taking any responsibility.

Oops that was a bit of a rant.

In nicce news, i made new york chicken (chicken, bacon, homemade BBQ sauce and cheese) and an apple crumble with custard today, comfort food for the win.

lol

V D Day

Happy belated venereal disease day to one and all. I had a lovely valentines day, i found my inner Betty Page in a burlesque dance lesson with some of the girls and although i'm sore now, i thoughly enjoyed myself. I was quite impressed with myself after a while, though i wasnt as coordinated and good at it as i thought i would be, i could see potential in myself though. I can hip pop, grind, present and glove strip as well as the rest of them...almost.

Had a lovely valentines night curled up on the sofa with ben, eating pizza and choc, drinking wine and watching robo cop 3. Fell asleep infront of southpark and woke with a start about midnight.

Tristan is not really into me and let me know today. Not sure what i think tbh, i already said to Ben last night i wasn't sure i was that into him but i dunno i was willign to give it a go. He wasn't thats his choice. Meh still bummed out about it but you can't let this shit get you down. Maybe il look into more burlesque dance classes as i felt really good after the last one.

So in the vain hope of lifting some spirits

Here's a bear riding a horse

A bit of perspective.

I was going to have another moan but after reading Willards blog i feel perhaps i need to start looking for the silver lining a little more often.

Dan is moving out (again, well hes not found anywhere and offered the room to Grace)
I gave a cold (Day off work...but a day less in pay)
Had a lovely evening with a lovely bloke who rubbed my feet and didn't cause me to have a fit.
Bought a new volcom hoodie for recidulously cheap.

My thoughts go out to Willard and to anyone else who may have lost a loved one.

x

Ranty update

Getting to the end of my tether with a lot of things really. Gutted the kitchen and its trashed already, again im the only one that can apparently work the dishwasher, though its ok for people to take clean things out of it, just not all of it. I really am ready to just stop doing anything and see if anyone would notice. I'm sure they wouldn't. However Mike has cleaned the hall, staris and landing and it looks gorgeous. I could have wept when i walked in. I just want a nice house to live in but i'm becoming increasingly more depressed as i have to chase people for money owed and pick up after them like children.

Sigh. On the up, i have a new friend to play with, Tristan, who lives with Maz. We had a few too many jugs last week and we are off to the pictures on Tuesday which is wonderful! Also setting up bank accounts to start saving for the deposit on the new house (hoo fucking ray) still too far away to start looking properly though.

Jobs not too bad at all, its boring don't get me wrong but its do-able and managable and the weekly pay is suiting me down to the ground. I'm going to take some posters with me tomorrow to brighten the place up a bit, il probably be told to take them down but my god i am itching to put my stamp on the tiny space i share.

Well i have my tea in the oven and a film to watch so im offski.

Is nothing sacred

I have no butter because someone is eating it by the fucking handful. I have no eggs because some fucker has eaten them. Argh!!! Why cannot i not feel comfortable in my own home?

With a glass of wine in my hand

I type this. Lamenting the being single thing again. It goes in cycles i think, i usually think about it more when ive had a shit night before hand. Came home to some retarded shit last night after having a lovely weekend away. I won't go into it but people are being pricks. Sigh.

Spent the weekend in Banbury seeing the folks and visting my lovely freind Tom. Not much to report apart from my sister now officelly being fatter then me (she must be about 14.5 stone). It makes me feel guiltily happy as i was always the fat one in the family, but seeing her so huge makes me feel really sorry for her. She is also displaying the same behaviour as i did when i was at my heaviest, pretending one treat own't hurt and no one will know when actually youre having a whole pizza with sides 4 times a week. I hope she sorts it out soon because her blood pressure is already way too high for a 20 year old.

I on the other hand i am on the special K diet and after day one i did quite well. Though i have relised i definately need grapes or something to snack on as i did get quite hungry. But the focus is to have lost some weight by the 2 weeks and work at keeping it off. I keep imagining myself slim so hopefully everyone else will send me some good vibes!

Well the wine is starting to warm up so i had better go.

Peace out.