Inked

Simple, sweet and very me.

A wise internet site once told me...

To spend you life pretending to be someone else is a waste of you. I think i will keep that one! Also things that have inspired me this week are;










Yeah i'd actually write something but quiet frankly i am shattered to hell! Catch you in the week :D

I sew dead people

Went back to the morgue today and got to help the assistant take out two pacemakers and sewed the bodies back up! Apparently my sewing is brilliant and neither of them looked too much like Frankenstein's Monster. I just hope one day i can get down there permanently.

Saturday

Saturday was hard. Really really hard. It was a day of celebrating birthdays and i put on a brave face but i struggled. I woke this morning feeling emotionally drained (and was rather shitty to everyone) and i am now throwing myself into entertaining my Mum and Step Father. I'm almost glad no one mentioned it yesterday as i'm not sure how dignified i could have kept it. I wish i knew why this is so prominent this year instead of the others...

Hopefully by tomorrow i will be back to normal, i am ready to sort my new tattoo too, who knows maybe they will have space tomorrow for me?

Urgh, emotions are rubbish.

Wot i has been doing and that

We are not at home to Mr Grump.

So yesterday was a shitty day as i realised that it is my father anniversary on Saturday. I wouldn't usually fixate on such things and go about living my life as normal but there is always something more poignant about a big anniversary, this being the tenth. I came to realisation that i am now at an age where he would have been more of my mate then a Dad and i would have been hitting those mile stones. Like introducing him to the boy you might marry or telling him about your first job that you are actually earning a salary or showing him the fruits of your cooking/crafting labour and him being supportive.

I am hugely grateful to the parent i have left and my step father for all they have done but honestly it doesn't replace having a father in your life. Sometimes i wish he was just a crap Dad who left me because at least there would be something to have feelings at rather then a very hazy memory of his face (I was 13 when he died but my brain is very good at blocking out vast amounts of my childhood/teenage years and he happens to be part of that, in total i think i have lost about 3 years in memories).

Though this weekend is going to be one of much joy celebrating birthdays with friends and having my parents down to stay for the first time in four years it will all be edged with sadness which is a shame.

Miss you Dad.

Good god this is still here?

Well well i had forgotten i even had a blog! I like to think this is mostly because things have been going rather well on the whole. I have a lovely boyfriend who makes me very happy and hopefully he feels the same, my job is ok (i haven't gone postal or cried so it can't be that bad) i have lost weight and put half of it back on but that is more that i just can't put cake down rather than i am sad. I am fit, and healthy bar the ankle that refuses to heal and i am really coming into my own with my "look". To some people a look really isn't that important but for me who has dressed like either a 15 year old boy or an ageing slapper in the past this is a big thing!

I am having a few confidence wobbles (tonight being one of them). I'm not sure what happened but the minute i left work i suddenly felt very very low and very irritable. This resulted in some obsessive washing up (you know i am sad because i am cleaning) and listening to angry or sad music very loudly and just being horrible to my mates. I am working on snapping out of it but failing miserably hence i have been in bed since 8:45 to save them from me.

I have found a new dream for my future which is not the boho cafe (because lets face it there is no way any idiot would give me a loan to buy one) which is being a mortuary assistant. Some may think that is bonkers but i spent an hour down at the morgue today to see what people get up to down there and it was good fun! I got to measure someone, got to lay a young lad out for a viewing and then enter the information on the computer. All in all a good way to spend an hour and the guy who works there said i can pop back any time i like :)He makes a good coffee too.

So just to let you know i am not dead, i will get back onto updating this a little more regularly i will also let you know how i get on with my mega list of amazing goodness.