I may have landed a nice man, Rage Against The Machine is number one in the charts, Brittany Murphy has sadly passed away aged 32 and it's snowing.
Roll on 2010
Merry Christmas to everyone and i will post in the new year :)
Sunday, 20 December 2009
Tuesday, 15 December 2009
This isn't mine but i think we could all stand to read it once in a while.
How the Me-Generation Ruined Modern Conversation
May 2nd, 2007.
When I wrote my article on depression, a lot of people went into pointlessly long lectures about the difference between clinical depression and sadness. They needn’t have done this; I know the difference between clinical depression and sadness. I wasn’t trying to claim they were the same thing. I was merely arguing that most people are quick to assume depression when some honest self examination might just reveal plain, old sadness. They say to themselves, “I have a good job, plenty of money, a nice home, the latest gadgets, and good looking kids. What reason do I have to be depressed?”
Upon communicating these facts with their Doctors, while also admitting to vague thoughts of suicide, the end result is a man in a white coat who replies, “Good point. Here’s your pills.”
No one ever considers that happiness doesn’t always come in the form of a boat or a tropical vacation. TV tells us that a new car with a heated cup holder will make us happy….or a cell phone that plays MP3’s….or a cute new sun dress. So we buy and buy and buy and when that doesn’t work, TV is quick to remind us that people in other countries are starving, so we should grateful for what we’ve got.
Do you want to know the reason I think people are so sad?
Loneliness. Simple loneliness. I think most people are so motherfucking lonely, they can’t see straight. Again, I will use post secret as an example. Don’t you think it’s just a little sad and pathetic that so many people have to write down their secrets on a postcard and send them in anonymously because there is not a single person in their lives they feel comfortable confiding in? Technorati boasts that there are 71 million blogs right now. Most of which contain people who reveal their innermost thoughts and feelings to complete strangers likely because no one in real life pays attention to them. No one sees anything wrong with this?
In this day an age, it’s hard to admit you’re lonely. After all, we’re surrounded by an endlessly vast amount of people on a daily basis. We have co-workers, extended families, and shopping buddies. Sometimes we have children, foolishly hoping that a small baby will fulfill our need for companionship. When none of that works, we buy a dog. If, at the end of the day, nothing fills the void, we say to ourselves, “I have it all, so why I am a still unhappy? I have no right to be unhappy. I must be clinically depressed.”
The issue isn’t the amount of people in our lives, though.
The issue is that society, as a whole, has lost the ability to meaningfully connect with other people.
In other words, the Me-Generation has ruined modern conversation to the point where we cannot form anything but the most superficial of relationships with the people we’d like to be closest too.
How did this happen? Well, I’m glad you asked!
The Self Esteem Police Produced Self Obsessed Adults
The very day we became obsessed with the self esteem of our children is the first day shit started going downhill. We told our children they were unique and special and perfect. We insisted that the world would one day find them beautiful and smart and glib. We told them their individuality was their greatest asset and refused to criticize them even when it was sorely needed.
The end result? A generation of children who are endlessly fascinated with themselves who can’t, for the life of them, understand why the rest of the world isn’t as enamored by their utterly uniquely genius minds as they are.
Teaching our children to be confident is one thing, but we took it too far. Our children are infatuated with themselves, sometimes to the point of delusion. With so much of their love and energy devoted inward, how can we expect them to feel love for another?
Self esteem brainwashing dooms people into becoming narcissistic assholes who genuinely believe the whole world revolves around them.
Too Much Conversing on the Internet Has Diminished Our Ability to Recognize Social Cues
I spent one afternoon walking around the mall with a friend of mine. She was babbling about something ridiculous and no matter how many times I tried to change the subject, she kept referring back to our original discussion. Finally, I gave up and for two solid hours, my only reply to her was, “Mmhm.”
SHE DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE.
She happily chattered on for 2 straight hours, absolutely oblivious to the fact that I had quit listening to her. I was amazed.
Frankly, I blame the Internet. Online, it’s hard to determine whether or not you’re boring the person you’re talking to. You don’t see them looking around the room, or staring off into space, or sighing distractedly. A few well placed ‘lols’ or ‘hehes’ can fool you into believing they are actually engaged in the conversation. So it’s really no surprise to me that so many people totally lack the ability to recognize when they’re boring someone when they attempt a real life dialogue.
This explains why people can actually maintain completely one sided conversations that last for 3 hours strictly about their fucking cats.
In reality, it takes two people to have a meaningful, enjoyable conversation. How can we expect to connect to people on a deeper level if we consistently fail to engage our conversational partners?
Right now, there are people reading this and thinking, “A true friend will want to talk about anything I want to talk about! They would not be bored by anything I say!”
You can thank the Self Esteem Police for that ideology.
We Quit Listening and Instead Began Waiting for Our Turn to Speak
Have you ever been talking to someone when it finally hit you that the other person wasn’t processing a single thing you were saying, but merely waiting for your lips to stop moving so they can say all the things bouncing around in their head?
Welcome to a kindergarten mentality applied to adult conversations! You go! Now I’ll go! It’s your turn! Now my turn! Look at us! We’re sharing!
A vital part of communication is to listen to and process what the other person is saying. You’re response should play off the statement of your counterpart. Otherwise you might as well be talking to yourself.
The only kindergarten doctrine that should apply to adult conversations is the Golden Rule. Namely, if you want other people to listen to you, you should be willing to listen to them. Quit talking AT people and start talking TO people.
We Ask Questions We Don’t Want the Answer To
The worst example:
“How are you doing today?”
The person who is asked this question might as well give up and say ‘fine’ right off the bat; because chances are that’s the only answer the asker is willing to hear. Don’t believe me? Try answering ‘terrible.’ Watch in amazement as the asker airily replies ‘Good to hear’ as they sashay away.
Some people believe simply asking is being polite. You can thank the Self Esteem Police for those people. I’m sorry, but putting forth the least amount of effort doesn’t win you any courtesy points in my book. Taking 5 seconds out of your day to slow down and actually show interest in the answer is polite. Asking a question merely because you want recognition for your condescending form of pseudo-caring is actually pretty rude.
In a similar vein are the people who ask you a question only because they want to you to ask them a question. For example:
Person A: “What did you do this weekend?”
Person B: “Well, I went to a movie and—
Person A: *interrupting* “Guess what I did this weekend!”
In closing, if you don’t care, don’t ask. Keep your shallow displays of insubstantial friendliness to yourself.
We Use Our Peers to Validate Our Decisions and Often Sacrifice Honesty to be Nice
I learned a long time ago that many of my friends never actually wanted my advice when they asked for it. Instead, they wanted to me to validate whatever stupid conclusion they already came to. I was merely a puppet meant to smile and nod at all the appropriate places.
When I refused and insisted on actually communicating to them what I really thought, the entire conversation shifted to them trying to convince me that they were making the correct decision!
An example:
Friend: “V, tell me the truth, do you think my boyfriend will ever leave his wife for me?”
V: “No, I don’t.”
Friend: “But I can tell he loves me by the look in his eyes! And he wrote me a poem!”
V: “That may be so, but he’s still going home to another woman at night.”
Friend: “Read this poem! Seriously, how can you read this poem and not think he loves me?”
V: “The poem is nice, but it’s a poor substitute for real love and dedication.”
Friend: “Are you saying I should stop seeing him?”
V: “Yes, that’s what I’m saying.”
Friend: “But he loves me! Don’t you understand that he loves me? I mean, just yesterday….”
It’s an exercise in futility, really. My choices are to pretend to be convinced and tell her that her relationship has a chance, or to maintain my opinion and risk wearing the Mean Tag.
My question is: what’s the point? What do we have to gain by forming relationships that revolve around validating ourselves through other people? Why maintain a friendship if you don’t respect the person’s honest opinion? When did honesty become synonymous with cruelty anyway? How can we ever learn to connect with other people when we can’t see them as individuals, but instead see them as reflections of ourselves?
Much like most problems in life, the solution to our loneliness is simple:
If you want people to care about you, you should care about them.
If you lack the ability to do that, then grab your prescription for prozac and shut the fuck up already.
But either way, quit blaming your brain. Blame yourself for becoming part of the Me-Generation.
May 2nd, 2007.
When I wrote my article on depression, a lot of people went into pointlessly long lectures about the difference between clinical depression and sadness. They needn’t have done this; I know the difference between clinical depression and sadness. I wasn’t trying to claim they were the same thing. I was merely arguing that most people are quick to assume depression when some honest self examination might just reveal plain, old sadness. They say to themselves, “I have a good job, plenty of money, a nice home, the latest gadgets, and good looking kids. What reason do I have to be depressed?”
Upon communicating these facts with their Doctors, while also admitting to vague thoughts of suicide, the end result is a man in a white coat who replies, “Good point. Here’s your pills.”
No one ever considers that happiness doesn’t always come in the form of a boat or a tropical vacation. TV tells us that a new car with a heated cup holder will make us happy….or a cell phone that plays MP3’s….or a cute new sun dress. So we buy and buy and buy and when that doesn’t work, TV is quick to remind us that people in other countries are starving, so we should grateful for what we’ve got.
Do you want to know the reason I think people are so sad?
Loneliness. Simple loneliness. I think most people are so motherfucking lonely, they can’t see straight. Again, I will use post secret as an example. Don’t you think it’s just a little sad and pathetic that so many people have to write down their secrets on a postcard and send them in anonymously because there is not a single person in their lives they feel comfortable confiding in? Technorati boasts that there are 71 million blogs right now. Most of which contain people who reveal their innermost thoughts and feelings to complete strangers likely because no one in real life pays attention to them. No one sees anything wrong with this?
In this day an age, it’s hard to admit you’re lonely. After all, we’re surrounded by an endlessly vast amount of people on a daily basis. We have co-workers, extended families, and shopping buddies. Sometimes we have children, foolishly hoping that a small baby will fulfill our need for companionship. When none of that works, we buy a dog. If, at the end of the day, nothing fills the void, we say to ourselves, “I have it all, so why I am a still unhappy? I have no right to be unhappy. I must be clinically depressed.”
The issue isn’t the amount of people in our lives, though.
The issue is that society, as a whole, has lost the ability to meaningfully connect with other people.
In other words, the Me-Generation has ruined modern conversation to the point where we cannot form anything but the most superficial of relationships with the people we’d like to be closest too.
How did this happen? Well, I’m glad you asked!
The Self Esteem Police Produced Self Obsessed Adults
The very day we became obsessed with the self esteem of our children is the first day shit started going downhill. We told our children they were unique and special and perfect. We insisted that the world would one day find them beautiful and smart and glib. We told them their individuality was their greatest asset and refused to criticize them even when it was sorely needed.
The end result? A generation of children who are endlessly fascinated with themselves who can’t, for the life of them, understand why the rest of the world isn’t as enamored by their utterly uniquely genius minds as they are.
Teaching our children to be confident is one thing, but we took it too far. Our children are infatuated with themselves, sometimes to the point of delusion. With so much of their love and energy devoted inward, how can we expect them to feel love for another?
Self esteem brainwashing dooms people into becoming narcissistic assholes who genuinely believe the whole world revolves around them.
Too Much Conversing on the Internet Has Diminished Our Ability to Recognize Social Cues
I spent one afternoon walking around the mall with a friend of mine. She was babbling about something ridiculous and no matter how many times I tried to change the subject, she kept referring back to our original discussion. Finally, I gave up and for two solid hours, my only reply to her was, “Mmhm.”
SHE DIDN’T EVEN NOTICE.
She happily chattered on for 2 straight hours, absolutely oblivious to the fact that I had quit listening to her. I was amazed.
Frankly, I blame the Internet. Online, it’s hard to determine whether or not you’re boring the person you’re talking to. You don’t see them looking around the room, or staring off into space, or sighing distractedly. A few well placed ‘lols’ or ‘hehes’ can fool you into believing they are actually engaged in the conversation. So it’s really no surprise to me that so many people totally lack the ability to recognize when they’re boring someone when they attempt a real life dialogue.
This explains why people can actually maintain completely one sided conversations that last for 3 hours strictly about their fucking cats.
In reality, it takes two people to have a meaningful, enjoyable conversation. How can we expect to connect to people on a deeper level if we consistently fail to engage our conversational partners?
Right now, there are people reading this and thinking, “A true friend will want to talk about anything I want to talk about! They would not be bored by anything I say!”
You can thank the Self Esteem Police for that ideology.
We Quit Listening and Instead Began Waiting for Our Turn to Speak
Have you ever been talking to someone when it finally hit you that the other person wasn’t processing a single thing you were saying, but merely waiting for your lips to stop moving so they can say all the things bouncing around in their head?
Welcome to a kindergarten mentality applied to adult conversations! You go! Now I’ll go! It’s your turn! Now my turn! Look at us! We’re sharing!
A vital part of communication is to listen to and process what the other person is saying. You’re response should play off the statement of your counterpart. Otherwise you might as well be talking to yourself.
The only kindergarten doctrine that should apply to adult conversations is the Golden Rule. Namely, if you want other people to listen to you, you should be willing to listen to them. Quit talking AT people and start talking TO people.
We Ask Questions We Don’t Want the Answer To
The worst example:
“How are you doing today?”
The person who is asked this question might as well give up and say ‘fine’ right off the bat; because chances are that’s the only answer the asker is willing to hear. Don’t believe me? Try answering ‘terrible.’ Watch in amazement as the asker airily replies ‘Good to hear’ as they sashay away.
Some people believe simply asking is being polite. You can thank the Self Esteem Police for those people. I’m sorry, but putting forth the least amount of effort doesn’t win you any courtesy points in my book. Taking 5 seconds out of your day to slow down and actually show interest in the answer is polite. Asking a question merely because you want recognition for your condescending form of pseudo-caring is actually pretty rude.
In a similar vein are the people who ask you a question only because they want to you to ask them a question. For example:
Person A: “What did you do this weekend?”
Person B: “Well, I went to a movie and—
Person A: *interrupting* “Guess what I did this weekend!”
In closing, if you don’t care, don’t ask. Keep your shallow displays of insubstantial friendliness to yourself.
We Use Our Peers to Validate Our Decisions and Often Sacrifice Honesty to be Nice
I learned a long time ago that many of my friends never actually wanted my advice when they asked for it. Instead, they wanted to me to validate whatever stupid conclusion they already came to. I was merely a puppet meant to smile and nod at all the appropriate places.
When I refused and insisted on actually communicating to them what I really thought, the entire conversation shifted to them trying to convince me that they were making the correct decision!
An example:
Friend: “V, tell me the truth, do you think my boyfriend will ever leave his wife for me?”
V: “No, I don’t.”
Friend: “But I can tell he loves me by the look in his eyes! And he wrote me a poem!”
V: “That may be so, but he’s still going home to another woman at night.”
Friend: “Read this poem! Seriously, how can you read this poem and not think he loves me?”
V: “The poem is nice, but it’s a poor substitute for real love and dedication.”
Friend: “Are you saying I should stop seeing him?”
V: “Yes, that’s what I’m saying.”
Friend: “But he loves me! Don’t you understand that he loves me? I mean, just yesterday….”
It’s an exercise in futility, really. My choices are to pretend to be convinced and tell her that her relationship has a chance, or to maintain my opinion and risk wearing the Mean Tag.
My question is: what’s the point? What do we have to gain by forming relationships that revolve around validating ourselves through other people? Why maintain a friendship if you don’t respect the person’s honest opinion? When did honesty become synonymous with cruelty anyway? How can we ever learn to connect with other people when we can’t see them as individuals, but instead see them as reflections of ourselves?
Much like most problems in life, the solution to our loneliness is simple:
If you want people to care about you, you should care about them.
If you lack the ability to do that, then grab your prescription for prozac and shut the fuck up already.
But either way, quit blaming your brain. Blame yourself for becoming part of the Me-Generation.
Monday, 14 December 2009
The weekend of AWESOME
So this weekend really has been one of the best ii've had in a long time. Friday found the gang at The Jew and Ruth's house celebrating Hanukkah in style. By in style i mean there were brownies and cider present but i chose to stick with cider and share because i am dieting. It was once again great to experience the culture of somebody else in a relaxed atmosphere with people i love and cannot wait for the next Jewish festival whatever it may be.
Saturday was the combination of a role play game put together by the infamous Willard Foxton and Mexican frivolity. I won't bore you all with the details of the game itself but Willard put on a smashing game and i have well and truly caught the bug. I have a long way to go before i am actually any good at it (watching me count dots on a dice because maths scares me is rather tedious i am sure)but Dom has mentioned he may start a new game when he moves into his new place so i have my fingers well and truly crossed on that front.
After games came dinner. I chose Casa Mexicana in Bristol as, quite frankly, it is one of the best restaurants i have ever been to and i think the majority of people that night agreed! We all had a lot of fun and i felt fantastic in my outfit after i was literally pushed out the door before i changed my mind and put on a cardy. The ones that weren't tired or had children to go home to stayed on and went to a pub and eventually Ben i got home about 1.30 exhausted.
Sunday was spent crocheting, watching films and duvet sharing with Mr Dom. Lovely!
I do love it when a plan comes together. Also in weight loss news i have lost another pound! I thought it was two but turns out my scales weren't resent properly. Boo. Still i am well on the way to a slender more attractive Charlie!
Saturday was the combination of a role play game put together by the infamous Willard Foxton and Mexican frivolity. I won't bore you all with the details of the game itself but Willard put on a smashing game and i have well and truly caught the bug. I have a long way to go before i am actually any good at it (watching me count dots on a dice because maths scares me is rather tedious i am sure)but Dom has mentioned he may start a new game when he moves into his new place so i have my fingers well and truly crossed on that front.
After games came dinner. I chose Casa Mexicana in Bristol as, quite frankly, it is one of the best restaurants i have ever been to and i think the majority of people that night agreed! We all had a lot of fun and i felt fantastic in my outfit after i was literally pushed out the door before i changed my mind and put on a cardy. The ones that weren't tired or had children to go home to stayed on and went to a pub and eventually Ben i got home about 1.30 exhausted.
Sunday was spent crocheting, watching films and duvet sharing with Mr Dom. Lovely!
I do love it when a plan comes together. Also in weight loss news i have lost another pound! I thought it was two but turns out my scales weren't resent properly. Boo. Still i am well on the way to a slender more attractive Charlie!
Saturday, 12 December 2009
Sunday, 6 December 2009
Weight loss week one
I'l be honest i have struggled. I have never properly taken my weight loss seriously and the lack control i have over what i can and can't eat is making me very stressed and unhappy, that coupled with only losing a pound this week is not helping. I like planning my meals and using butter, sugar and stock but when you are trying to stick to roughly 450 cals per meal your options are seriously limited. I found myself yelling at eggs this morning and realised i need to just get over it. I only need to do this for a few months, lose the weight and hopefully learn some control when it comes to portion sizes and ingredients. If i am honest breakfast and lunch are pretty easy it is just the meal in the evening that is causing me the most strife.
But there again if losing weight was easy we would all be thin right? Eventually the cravings for sugar, chocolate and pastry will subside and i will have made some real progress and feel a lot better about myself and the way i look. My friends have been really supportive, especially Ben who takes my tantrums and moaning in his stride. Thank god i live with someone who is able to take my moods in good faith!
So in short one pound down, 27 to go...
Damn it.
But there again if losing weight was easy we would all be thin right? Eventually the cravings for sugar, chocolate and pastry will subside and i will have made some real progress and feel a lot better about myself and the way i look. My friends have been really supportive, especially Ben who takes my tantrums and moaning in his stride. Thank god i live with someone who is able to take my moods in good faith!
So in short one pound down, 27 to go...
Damn it.
Thursday, 3 December 2009
Fell good hit of the summer
Jesus wept. I was going to go for a few drinks and ended up (apparently, i cannot remember relaying this information to Ben)drinking four pints of cider, a double vodka, a single vodka, one Sailor Jerry Rum and i scored Ben and i a free drink in the pub, an awful concoction of Baileys and brandy.
Feeling it so hard right now...
Feeling it so hard right now...
Tuesday, 1 December 2009
Trips, hips and self help tips.
So what a weekend!
Team nerd plus two new recruits (The Boy and myself) headed down to Teinmouth in Devon to visit the goddess that is Bex and to play nerdy role play games. As a complete virgin to role playing i was nervous but the guys made me feel right at home. After spending Friday drinking coffee and eating pizza with the great ginger one then spending the night drinking to excess, singing motown and stripping down to our bras in the name of fun we got down to business.
I won't bore anyone who reads this with a blow by blow account of our Dark Heresy campaign but i can tell you that i kicked some serious ass. I shot a man through a building, shot the arm off the officer of the law and killed the great ginger demon that was Fuzz. Therapeutic to say the least! I made dinner, we watched some terrible films and then Sunday was spent cleaning, easting sausages and heading home.
I seriously needed to get out of the city for a few days, cabin fever had well and truly set in and i was getting itchy feet. I now have a taste for weekends away and intend to do more of them! Sorry guys.
As well as being physically exhausting the trip was mentally trying as well. As usual boy trouble ensued and after having the best time in person and sobbing in a toilet in private i came to realisation that a) this is not attractive and b) i need to move on. It isn't healthy to borderline obsess over one person and i am sure they are finding it all a little trying too. So in order to get back to loving myself i have signed up to an online diet club and hope to lose half a stone by xmas. I am on day two and so far so good, Ben has been an angel and is offering support in anyway he can as are my other friends. As Willard said weight loss will not solve my problems but if i can look in the mirror and like what's reflected back that has got to go some way in improving my general outlook right?
In other news it is my birthday tomorrow so gifts and money are greatly appreciated (no, really) i have been invited to a "bad jumper party" at the weekend by a girl at work, the week after is more role playing (thanks for the invite guys) and a big meal to celebrate mine, Bens and the beautiful Jess's birthdays the week after (Casa Mexciana, delish!) then we are snowballing into christmas! Busy busy busy!
Oh and i am getting my nape re-pierced for my birthday, zing :D
Wah wah wah i am so sad.
Team nerd plus two new recruits (The Boy and myself) headed down to Teinmouth in Devon to visit the goddess that is Bex and to play nerdy role play games. As a complete virgin to role playing i was nervous but the guys made me feel right at home. After spending Friday drinking coffee and eating pizza with the great ginger one then spending the night drinking to excess, singing motown and stripping down to our bras in the name of fun we got down to business.
I won't bore anyone who reads this with a blow by blow account of our Dark Heresy campaign but i can tell you that i kicked some serious ass. I shot a man through a building, shot the arm off the officer of the law and killed the great ginger demon that was Fuzz. Therapeutic to say the least! I made dinner, we watched some terrible films and then Sunday was spent cleaning, easting sausages and heading home.
I seriously needed to get out of the city for a few days, cabin fever had well and truly set in and i was getting itchy feet. I now have a taste for weekends away and intend to do more of them! Sorry guys.
As well as being physically exhausting the trip was mentally trying as well. As usual boy trouble ensued and after having the best time in person and sobbing in a toilet in private i came to realisation that a) this is not attractive and b) i need to move on. It isn't healthy to borderline obsess over one person and i am sure they are finding it all a little trying too. So in order to get back to loving myself i have signed up to an online diet club and hope to lose half a stone by xmas. I am on day two and so far so good, Ben has been an angel and is offering support in anyway he can as are my other friends. As Willard said weight loss will not solve my problems but if i can look in the mirror and like what's reflected back that has got to go some way in improving my general outlook right?
In other news it is my birthday tomorrow so gifts and money are greatly appreciated (no, really) i have been invited to a "bad jumper party" at the weekend by a girl at work, the week after is more role playing (thanks for the invite guys) and a big meal to celebrate mine, Bens and the beautiful Jess's birthdays the week after (Casa Mexciana, delish!) then we are snowballing into christmas! Busy busy busy!
Oh and i am getting my nape re-pierced for my birthday, zing :D
Wah wah wah i am so sad.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)