McFlact. My god i feel terrible. Havent had a day to relax in weeks. Im talking serious weeks. Started at 10.am today and but 11pm i just gave up. Sean let me come up here and ive sicked my guts out and cried till my mascara ran into my mouth. Pure exhustion. Got to work tomorrow till 5pm then NYE. NYD i have OFF! Yes i said it OFF. I have no idea how il fair over the next few days. but il just have to grit my teeth and do it wont i. Cant have no staff in a pub. Poor Marianne has been left downstaris and cant go early now because im so weak :( I feel really bad. I did try and go downstairs again but Sean sent me back up again :(
So now i feel sick, tired and guilty.
Usual then
In other news i proclaimed to my ex that i still wanted to be his GF (this is an ex who i was seeing at PGL (Gap year) and now lives here) he was drunk, stuttered a bit and made some excuses. He said he would be in today. He wasnt. That didnt help the mood to be honest. In fact i think thats what started the anger at about 4pm tis afternoon. Sigh.
Ah well his loss and all thatblah blah blah.
Sunday, 30 December 2007
Thursday, 27 December 2007
Thank god its all over
So my sister is still the uber bitch from hell. Had about £200 pounds spent on her by her bf and she didnt appriciate any of it. I bought her a really nice skirt, that wasnt cheap, she lied about her dress size ten screwed it up and stuffed it into a bag. Nice. Won't be bothering with that anymore. Apart from that christmas was good. Parents were happy to see me and even wanted me to take on of the dogs with me! Had a brief discussion over the future of my nursing careea, or lack of. It seems they are happy for me to do the course and then not become a nurse. Shame at 21 years old i am STILL looking for thier approval for what i can do with my life. Though it does leave me open to pursue a carrea in animals. Of course now i have to find said job, vet nursing or ona farm or riding stables. Need to start networking really. Google is your friend!
Had a piss up in the pub last night. Feel rough now and had to work very hard to keep my stupid unjustified emptions in check. Slipped up once or twice but on the whole did very well. Woke up stupidly horney and didnt even try it on with Sean. Yeah im totally working this thing...still horney though. Cant win them all! I might even get up in a minute and go buy myself some new clothes. That always makes a girl feel good!
Anywho better go as i have more sleeping to do and aspirin to take. Im sufferning a little bit, need something hot inside me...oh shit, here comes the horneyness again. Le sigh.
Charlie tom cat.
Had a piss up in the pub last night. Feel rough now and had to work very hard to keep my stupid unjustified emptions in check. Slipped up once or twice but on the whole did very well. Woke up stupidly horney and didnt even try it on with Sean. Yeah im totally working this thing...still horney though. Cant win them all! I might even get up in a minute and go buy myself some new clothes. That always makes a girl feel good!
Anywho better go as i have more sleeping to do and aspirin to take. Im sufferning a little bit, need something hot inside me...oh shit, here comes the horneyness again. Le sigh.
Charlie tom cat.
Sunday, 23 December 2007
Merry christmas
Much to say, not much time to say it so im just going to say MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL OF YOU!
tHANKS
The Christmas Charlie Cat
tHANKS
The Christmas Charlie Cat
Wednesday, 19 December 2007
Tuesday, 18 December 2007
Should be married by now
22:51] Ady: How old are you now anyway?
[22:51] Charlie cat is keeping it new school: 21
[22:52] Ady: Oooh should be married by now
[22:52] Charlie cat is keeping it new school: what!
[22:52] Charlie cat is keeping it new school: shut up
Well thats made me feel so much better.
[22:51] Charlie cat is keeping it new school: 21
[22:52] Ady: Oooh should be married by now
[22:52] Charlie cat is keeping it new school: what!
[22:52] Charlie cat is keeping it new school: shut up
Well thats made me feel so much better.
Waking up is so hard to do
So i missed uni today. Ha Ha. Found out sponge is stopping tonight so i made a hasty exit from the pub. Def need to start staying in the spare room. Sean is getting a bit pissy with me taking over his personal space, and quite rightly too. I guess ive not been a very good friend, but i did do ALL his washing and tidy his room and the kitchen so i think i deserve muchos brownie points ;)
Me and Marianne have decided that we are Marges sisters from the Simpsons, never to have men again. Shes going to buy an iguana...
Christmas is fast approaching and the shopping is done so thats good. Seeing my sister, im actually looking forward to it, shes really chilled out. Mummy doesnt know about me piercing my nose yet so that'l be fun:P
Not much else to chat about to be honest. Gosh im boring :D
See ya
Me and Marianne have decided that we are Marges sisters from the Simpsons, never to have men again. Shes going to buy an iguana...
Christmas is fast approaching and the shopping is done so thats good. Seeing my sister, im actually looking forward to it, shes really chilled out. Mummy doesnt know about me piercing my nose yet so that'l be fun:P
Not much else to chat about to be honest. Gosh im boring :D
See ya
Sunday, 16 December 2007
ok im over the boob thing
But still unlucky with the fellers, sigh, ah well they are NOT the be all and end all of life...probably. Had a hetic week with, you guessed it, working. Cancled an evening with the ex of dinner and hotels to work, i couldnt leave pip on her own could i! Shes a ledge. Took over £2000 at the pub this arvo with just two of us working flat out and Sean helping when he wasnt in the cellar. Pip and i were were shattered so took a long and well deserved break after with wne and San Migal flowing freely! Chicken nuggets were for dinner! Yum!
Everything seems to have settled down completely now to be honest, i no longer feel the jealous pangs with Sean, still fancy the fuck out of him but have decided that getting together really would be like me signing a death warrent...for him anyway ha ha! Need to go and find my own life really. Stop thinking about being in a relationship and be happy with me, im a great but ive forgotten who i am. Too many fake plastic smiles behind the bar when im serving or on placement when im dressing that weeping leg ulcer (sorry if you are eating! ) And thanks mike, once again you have made me smile and have that little feeling of self satisfication rise up inside me. That nice feelign you get when you know it aint all bad ;)
Thinking of you all
Charlie
Everything seems to have settled down completely now to be honest, i no longer feel the jealous pangs with Sean, still fancy the fuck out of him but have decided that getting together really would be like me signing a death warrent...for him anyway ha ha! Need to go and find my own life really. Stop thinking about being in a relationship and be happy with me, im a great but ive forgotten who i am. Too many fake plastic smiles behind the bar when im serving or on placement when im dressing that weeping leg ulcer (sorry if you are eating! ) And thanks mike, once again you have made me smile and have that little feeling of self satisfication rise up inside me. That nice feelign you get when you know it aint all bad ;)
Thinking of you all
Charlie
Tuesday, 11 December 2007
Hmm boobs...
So i was looking at a recent topless pic of me and a video of me stripping back when i was about 18/19 and i've realised i have very horrible boobs! They really arent something to be proud of these days. So i need to either loose weight or get a boob job. Boob job isnt really high on my financial list of things to do so i think i need to lose about a stone or two. Problem though, will my boobs look better or will they just get saggy and nasty??
Answers on a postcard please...
Answers on a postcard please...
Monday, 10 December 2007
My clothes smell of mould...
As ive not been home for days and they were left out wet by me!
So update, Joss came to stay at the pub for the night, much to my dismay. But she left and all was good! I was horrendously annoyed that i was shoved into the spare room for her majesty but never mind. One night never killed anyone! Been working uber hard at the pub, me and Sean seem to be getting on ok again which is lovely, he got his back patch this weekend so much celebration was done.
Worked 10am to 1am on Sat then the bar staff and a few locals sat down and proceeded to get throughly twatted and much laughter and joy was to be had. In fact ive not had that mich fun in a long time, i needed it!
There is also a boy who apparently is "quite taken" with me who is a semi regular at the pub. Of course as its me im getting horribly excited even though i haven't even spoken to him about it or arranged a date or anything! So as we all know its going to fall flat on its face before it starts, but its something to smile about anyway. Met another guy on the net that seemed interested but has replied to a message since sat so il probably chalk that down to a no thanks, but never mind.
Nursing is going well, horribly tired but im enjoying it and learning a fair bit.
And i cant write my blog without mentioning Sean at least twice! Well things have been going very well, im really starting to get over the whole thing, of course i still feel that stab of jealousy when he talks to girls but thats to be expected.The only thing that has really wound me up was having "her" upstairs and barely seeing him all night. But i think that is mostly down to the fact that im not a number one fan. I am so proud of myself so far. I know i sound like a crazy person going on about him all the time but i don't really have much else going on in my life! HA!
Well i really do hope things work out with this new guy, if it ever gets off the ground that is, hes a bit of a metal head so that could be interesting, he also designs Burlesque night flyers, which i think is pretty effing cool!
Hello to my blog followers, and stay safe!
Charlie Wench.
So update, Joss came to stay at the pub for the night, much to my dismay. But she left and all was good! I was horrendously annoyed that i was shoved into the spare room for her majesty but never mind. One night never killed anyone! Been working uber hard at the pub, me and Sean seem to be getting on ok again which is lovely, he got his back patch this weekend so much celebration was done.
Worked 10am to 1am on Sat then the bar staff and a few locals sat down and proceeded to get throughly twatted and much laughter and joy was to be had. In fact ive not had that mich fun in a long time, i needed it!
There is also a boy who apparently is "quite taken" with me who is a semi regular at the pub. Of course as its me im getting horribly excited even though i haven't even spoken to him about it or arranged a date or anything! So as we all know its going to fall flat on its face before it starts, but its something to smile about anyway. Met another guy on the net that seemed interested but has replied to a message since sat so il probably chalk that down to a no thanks, but never mind.
Nursing is going well, horribly tired but im enjoying it and learning a fair bit.
And i cant write my blog without mentioning Sean at least twice! Well things have been going very well, im really starting to get over the whole thing, of course i still feel that stab of jealousy when he talks to girls but thats to be expected.The only thing that has really wound me up was having "her" upstairs and barely seeing him all night. But i think that is mostly down to the fact that im not a number one fan. I am so proud of myself so far. I know i sound like a crazy person going on about him all the time but i don't really have much else going on in my life! HA!
Well i really do hope things work out with this new guy, if it ever gets off the ground that is, hes a bit of a metal head so that could be interesting, he also designs Burlesque night flyers, which i think is pretty effing cool!
Hello to my blog followers, and stay safe!
Charlie Wench.
Thursday, 6 December 2007
Mmmm cereal
Quick update, getting over Sean slowly, felt ok last night when he, laura and her mate were playing games and having a laugh and a drink. I think the main jealousy pangs are coming from the fact that he doesnt find me new and exciting anymore, a natural progression of friendship i know but a bit of a blow all the same. I wish that he would sit and play games with me, but having someone in your face 24/7 doesnt usually make most normal people want to spend huge amounts of their spare time with you.
Anyway i am currently working 36.5 hours on placement and 31+ hours at the pub so i am updating as best i can!
And thank you to all my lovely comments :)
Charlie big boobs.
Anyway i am currently working 36.5 hours on placement and 31+ hours at the pub so i am updating as best i can!
And thank you to all my lovely comments :)
Charlie big boobs.
Tuesday, 4 December 2007
3am
And ive been rudely awoken, and now im crying. Thanks for that. As long as your sleeping like a baby eh?
Monday, 3 December 2007
Oh good grief.
Just when i think im getting there i see Seans Facebook status is tipsy. So i say ooh who are you drinking with? Its Laura. No surprises. He then continues to ask me to big him up to her so i snap and say no i wont do that. I was very reserved it has to be said, theres 101 things i wanted to say but kept it short and to the point. He says im his best friend and hes sorry for hurting me so why does he keep asking me to tell her how amazing he is?
So now my good mood has spiraled into the usual loathing of being single. Which is ridiculous as i know im not a bad person, my face doesn't scare children, i have a great rack, im funny, witty, intelligent, firey, awesome in bed, curvy, small, loving, sweet and punctual!
It's just meeting that one person who isnt a complete cunt isnt it?
Peaceout breast fans.
So now my good mood has spiraled into the usual loathing of being single. Which is ridiculous as i know im not a bad person, my face doesn't scare children, i have a great rack, im funny, witty, intelligent, firey, awesome in bed, curvy, small, loving, sweet and punctual!
It's just meeting that one person who isnt a complete cunt isnt it?
Peaceout breast fans.
The "what i did on my birthday" post.
Ok so here we go, another long one :p
So friday was spent out on a pub crawl down the Glouscester road. We started in the Flyer where we were very quickly drenched in a monsoon that is usually reserved for such occasions, luckily spirits were not dampened with it. We wondered down to the rising sun, the prince of wales and then finished in, of course, the cat and wheel. It was lovely to have a nice time drinking and not becoming paralytic. Good friends and good vodka! Sean finished the night perfectly by buying everyone a pizza afterwards, i stayed over at the pub so i could clean the next day, coz im nice like that :P
Sataurday was spent lunching with my sister and her fiance and then off to watch queens of the stone age in the evening. It was a truly marvelous gig with 80's matchbox B line disaster supporting. I had a damn good spot on the stairs and i have now realised i have fallen head over heels in love with Josh Homme. Damn those watery blue eyes and sexy american accent, youknow its the way he says vodka and "this one is about LSD!". The dream boat.
Sunday was spent getting up, going for Weatherspoons breakfast (having to miss yummy lunch with Bens olds but im sure i can do that next year ) then i went to meet a mate for an hour or too, he bought me a printer :). Went to the pub where Sean took me to this amazing little mexican round the corner and i had the yummyest food ive had in ages. Both Sean and I admired the waitress' norks and then bimbled off back to the pub for drinks. Me and Eddi worked out that i drank 17 vodkas...and i was fine! Absolutely fine! Not even a headache!
Thus ended an amazing few days, i'm in a wonderfully good mood which is unusual but greatly welcomed!
21 Is awesome!
So friday was spent out on a pub crawl down the Glouscester road. We started in the Flyer where we were very quickly drenched in a monsoon that is usually reserved for such occasions, luckily spirits were not dampened with it. We wondered down to the rising sun, the prince of wales and then finished in, of course, the cat and wheel. It was lovely to have a nice time drinking and not becoming paralytic. Good friends and good vodka! Sean finished the night perfectly by buying everyone a pizza afterwards, i stayed over at the pub so i could clean the next day, coz im nice like that :P
Sataurday was spent lunching with my sister and her fiance and then off to watch queens of the stone age in the evening. It was a truly marvelous gig with 80's matchbox B line disaster supporting. I had a damn good spot on the stairs and i have now realised i have fallen head over heels in love with Josh Homme. Damn those watery blue eyes and sexy american accent, youknow its the way he says vodka and "this one is about LSD!". The dream boat.
Sunday was spent getting up, going for Weatherspoons breakfast (having to miss yummy lunch with Bens olds but im sure i can do that next year ) then i went to meet a mate for an hour or too, he bought me a printer :). Went to the pub where Sean took me to this amazing little mexican round the corner and i had the yummyest food ive had in ages. Both Sean and I admired the waitress' norks and then bimbled off back to the pub for drinks. Me and Eddi worked out that i drank 17 vodkas...and i was fine! Absolutely fine! Not even a headache!
Thus ended an amazing few days, i'm in a wonderfully good mood which is unusual but greatly welcomed!
21 Is awesome!
Sunday, 25 November 2007
Oh yes, i am happy however because...
My Peaches, Hot Hot Heat and Rival school c.d's came. Woop Woop.
Tis gonna be a long 'un!
Hello Mike :D
Any way. Well i haven't been in Fishponds since Wednesday night as i have been helping out Sean at the pub. This proved to be emotionally draining but entertain none the less. I was also physically draining as i was mostly coming home from placement and having to jump behind the bar straight away. On Saturday i had a good cry as i was told that my "huffing and puffing" was irritating. That was the straw that broke the camels back and the mood carried on as i had to work whilst Sean and Laura sat in the garden and got pissed. I would have really appriciated the night off, which i guess is quite selfish but what are you gonna do? I'm not even sure if i had the right to be a bit annoyed but never mind i got my cuddles that evening none the less. The locals are lovely too which is fantastic.
Placement is going well, community nursing is a doddle barely have to do anything and i can book a few days off without anyone saying anything which is nice ha ha. Bit far out though which is a bummer but you cat win them all!
Birthday is on Sunday, most my mates have dropped out to attend a suprise birthday party in Wales which has dissapointed me. that coupled with my present coming from my family consisting of tesco vouchers and not even a visit im rather sad about the whole thing. Ah well i guess i must solider on, Sean said we would "do something" on my birthday, i dont deserve is as i didnt get him anything (i thought we had fallen out for good) so we shall see what that entails anyway. So birthday week consists of pub crawl down the Glouscester road on the friday, seeing Queens of the stone age on saturday and then going for a few drinks at the cat and wheel on sunday. So it might not be a that bad :)
Ive now come home to the mad house and have no bread, milk or butter. Happy days.
Peace out barmaid and nurse fans
XxX
Any way. Well i haven't been in Fishponds since Wednesday night as i have been helping out Sean at the pub. This proved to be emotionally draining but entertain none the less. I was also physically draining as i was mostly coming home from placement and having to jump behind the bar straight away. On Saturday i had a good cry as i was told that my "huffing and puffing" was irritating. That was the straw that broke the camels back and the mood carried on as i had to work whilst Sean and Laura sat in the garden and got pissed. I would have really appriciated the night off, which i guess is quite selfish but what are you gonna do? I'm not even sure if i had the right to be a bit annoyed but never mind i got my cuddles that evening none the less. The locals are lovely too which is fantastic.
Placement is going well, community nursing is a doddle barely have to do anything and i can book a few days off without anyone saying anything which is nice ha ha. Bit far out though which is a bummer but you cat win them all!
Birthday is on Sunday, most my mates have dropped out to attend a suprise birthday party in Wales which has dissapointed me. that coupled with my present coming from my family consisting of tesco vouchers and not even a visit im rather sad about the whole thing. Ah well i guess i must solider on, Sean said we would "do something" on my birthday, i dont deserve is as i didnt get him anything (i thought we had fallen out for good) so we shall see what that entails anyway. So birthday week consists of pub crawl down the Glouscester road on the friday, seeing Queens of the stone age on saturday and then going for a few drinks at the cat and wheel on sunday. So it might not be a that bad :)
Ive now come home to the mad house and have no bread, milk or butter. Happy days.
Peace out barmaid and nurse fans
XxX
Tuesday, 20 November 2007
He didnt call
Badly Drawn Butthole is offically out of the running. Your supposed to call me. Fuck wit.
Sunday, 18 November 2007
Charlies gotta smile on her faaaaaaaace
I swallowed my pride and invited Badly Drawn Boy round. I got some, twice. Unfortunately the housemates came back right in mid orgasm so had to have a hasty retreat upstairs! But who cares, i got some sex! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
Saturday, 17 November 2007
Argh i need some therapy
I am getting horribly pissed off with myself now. He tells me him and Laura were up till 5.30am snogging and whatnot and i bawl my eyes out for a good 15 minutes. I don't know why he's telling me these things because all its doing is breaking my heart.
Eventful few days indeed.
Well. Had to choke back the tears and call Abby as i had to listen to Sean and that old woman (I can say that because Sean hasnt got net atm tee hee) have sex. I'm only jealous because i have nothing to distract me and she was nasty. Lip liner and a belly top and everything :P So i called Abby, made a joke of it and felt a tiny bit better. Had to waste £4 putting the juke box on very loud to drown them out.
But, to my surprise, he dumped her! Turns out shes a psycho so Charlie wins again :D Yeah i'm not bitter. Met Laura his one true love properly today and she is so lovely. She stopped for a drink after Dan dropped me home (more on this later) and he seemed so chuffed. Jealousy pains still panging like Santanas guitar but at least i know she is lovely. I just have to work at not being so hung up on the knobber. The self improvement goes on.
So anyway, Dan. Dan is a man that works at the pub sometimes and seems very nice and a bit of a jack the lad. Which is cool. However Sean and Laura are convinced he fancies me. I don't know about that. He seems nice but perhaps a bit old for me and a stoner apparently. But i think he has a flat or a house or something. I dunno, need to see what happens.
So thats the last few days anyway...well todays feelings about him yet again. Maybe i should re-name this blog the Sean and Charlie show? At least people will be warned its boring :P Sorry :D
Love you both my readers (might get a ticker thing like Benny babe face said)
But, to my surprise, he dumped her! Turns out shes a psycho so Charlie wins again :D Yeah i'm not bitter. Met Laura his one true love properly today and she is so lovely. She stopped for a drink after Dan dropped me home (more on this later) and he seemed so chuffed. Jealousy pains still panging like Santanas guitar but at least i know she is lovely. I just have to work at not being so hung up on the knobber. The self improvement goes on.
So anyway, Dan. Dan is a man that works at the pub sometimes and seems very nice and a bit of a jack the lad. Which is cool. However Sean and Laura are convinced he fancies me. I don't know about that. He seems nice but perhaps a bit old for me and a stoner apparently. But i think he has a flat or a house or something. I dunno, need to see what happens.
So thats the last few days anyway...well todays feelings about him yet again. Maybe i should re-name this blog the Sean and Charlie show? At least people will be warned its boring :P Sorry :D
Love you both my readers (might get a ticker thing like Benny babe face said)
Thursday, 15 November 2007
Something positive...
Um, i have a part time job in a pub i like. Its now run by a man i like. So that is nice.
Belgian told me his was outside my house waiting for me tonight. Turns out the wanker wasnt there but i was disturbed none the less.
Badly drawn boy is still pushing to see me again. I'm still not sure, he does live too far away and he works in Bath the whole time. I think if im not clamouring to see him i have made up my own mind. So the man hunt continues.
Ok positive...um i get a free ride home one way which is nice, and the 2 of my 3 mates that still live in Brackley the shit hole want to see me so thats good. I'm not forgotten...well i am but ve reminded them i'm still here so thats good.
Bad news, essay isn't writing itself which i half hoped it would. Looks like optimism wont work this time, stupid brain.
Oh placement starts next week, off to the sunny shores of Henbury. Yes UWE does actually hate me more then my own Mother. Il have to make the best of it like i always do, and then moan about it loudly on here. Which is always fun.
Oh and Ben found my blog so a bug hullo to him the sexy man beast and i hope he read "an unintentional ode to Ben" form back in September.
Peaceout Rockafellas
Charlie Cat
Belgian told me his was outside my house waiting for me tonight. Turns out the wanker wasnt there but i was disturbed none the less.
Badly drawn boy is still pushing to see me again. I'm still not sure, he does live too far away and he works in Bath the whole time. I think if im not clamouring to see him i have made up my own mind. So the man hunt continues.
Ok positive...um i get a free ride home one way which is nice, and the 2 of my 3 mates that still live in Brackley the shit hole want to see me so thats good. I'm not forgotten...well i am but ve reminded them i'm still here so thats good.
Bad news, essay isn't writing itself which i half hoped it would. Looks like optimism wont work this time, stupid brain.
Oh placement starts next week, off to the sunny shores of Henbury. Yes UWE does actually hate me more then my own Mother. Il have to make the best of it like i always do, and then moan about it loudly on here. Which is always fun.
Oh and Ben found my blog so a bug hullo to him the sexy man beast and i hope he read "an unintentional ode to Ben" form back in September.
Peaceout Rockafellas
Charlie Cat
Monday, 12 November 2007
Men men men, when will stop?
This is all i seem to be thinking of recently! Getting a bit silly in my book. Badly drawn boy text me which was nice but it has thrown me into fits of what the hell do i do's. He's lovely, but i just cant see him regularly. I'm pretty sure it would be kinder to realise him back into the wild so he can find a nice girl from Bath with a better temper then me.
To be honest id rather be curled up around Sean right now but thats not going to happen as he has found a new lady friend. Le sigh. Gotta move one properly. There again i might go over tomorrow after my meeting at Frenchay to see him. Wont hurt will it?
Got to call Kev on Tuesday to arrange this ill fated meeting on wed night. I would rather not go that day as i am skint and have lectures on the Thursday but i do miss him and remember what we were once like when i am with him. He makes me happy, it's just obvious he's not interested in rekindling anything. Which is understandable.
Hope fully il be able to put something positive in here in the next few days as this is depressing me let alone anyone reading this. (Id loveto know if there are anyone reading this, drop a comment or something :D )
Peace out
Charlie come a bubble gum.
To be honest id rather be curled up around Sean right now but thats not going to happen as he has found a new lady friend. Le sigh. Gotta move one properly. There again i might go over tomorrow after my meeting at Frenchay to see him. Wont hurt will it?
Got to call Kev on Tuesday to arrange this ill fated meeting on wed night. I would rather not go that day as i am skint and have lectures on the Thursday but i do miss him and remember what we were once like when i am with him. He makes me happy, it's just obvious he's not interested in rekindling anything. Which is understandable.
Hope fully il be able to put something positive in here in the next few days as this is depressing me let alone anyone reading this. (Id loveto know if there are anyone reading this, drop a comment or something :D )
Peace out
Charlie come a bubble gum.
Sunday, 11 November 2007
Mini break...
Been to Cornwall for Abbys sisters birthday and had a wonderful time. Met one of the coolest people on the planet (Abbys cousin Ruth). Shes such a free spirit, and she drove us the long way through Dartmoor so i was happy as a pig in shit.
Badly drawn boy has text me, i realised i was over reacting, got too drunk on Friday night and got into a fight with an absolute knobber.
So ive fucked it all up with him. He didnt text me back last night so you know whatever, plenty more fish.
Sean is now running the Cat and Wheel and i have a job there. No room now was the other 3 are moving in which is rubbish but i guess i shouldnt have got so excited about the prospect in the first place, he wouldnt have left them all in the shit.
Kev met me on friday night for a drink. Im still hoplessly in love with him, Sean says he will mess me around and he probably will. He wants to meet me on Wednesday to get pissed. I am horribly skint which is an absolute bastard so i might have to cancel and i wont see him again for ages :( Sigh.
I plough on.
Badly drawn boy has text me, i realised i was over reacting, got too drunk on Friday night and got into a fight with an absolute knobber.
So ive fucked it all up with him. He didnt text me back last night so you know whatever, plenty more fish.
Sean is now running the Cat and Wheel and i have a job there. No room now was the other 3 are moving in which is rubbish but i guess i shouldnt have got so excited about the prospect in the first place, he wouldnt have left them all in the shit.
Kev met me on friday night for a drink. Im still hoplessly in love with him, Sean says he will mess me around and he probably will. He wants to meet me on Wednesday to get pissed. I am horribly skint which is an absolute bastard so i might have to cancel and i wont see him again for ages :( Sigh.
I plough on.
Thursday, 8 November 2007
Badly drawn boy is a very bad man...
Sigh, the evils of Facebook. Hadn't heard from boy wonder sice Monday night so text him. Whilst chatting to Sean on msn I ideally browse BDB's facebook and discover he changed his status from "it's complicated" ie seeing me to nothing. Just looking for friends. And he has deleted my wall posts. So he calls me about half hour later and i very cooly ask him, "why have you deletedmy wall posts?" And he says "oh, er, i have been deleting them because i have too many, i just havent finished doing it yet"
Bullshit
He texts me later on to say that his ex is getting funny with him so he doesn't want to upset her. Ie letting her know i exist. For fucks sake it has been 2 maybe 3 months! I don't really care about what she has to think. He's a free agent and he can see who he wants. I am so unimpressed.
Sigh
So i think il ignore him till after the weekend then see what he has to say. If he doesnt contact me i shall consider it done with.
Oh and Belgian text me again tonight. He is going to get a severe beating soon.
Bullshit
He texts me later on to say that his ex is getting funny with him so he doesn't want to upset her. Ie letting her know i exist. For fucks sake it has been 2 maybe 3 months! I don't really care about what she has to think. He's a free agent and he can see who he wants. I am so unimpressed.
Sigh
So i think il ignore him till after the weekend then see what he has to say. If he doesnt contact me i shall consider it done with.
Oh and Belgian text me again tonight. He is going to get a severe beating soon.
Tuesday, 6 November 2007
Ooops need to update
Soooooo
Spent Sat in bed with Badly Drawn Boy (thats his nick name, if got into the habit of avoiding real names much to everyones annoyance). He is a big pile of lovely, and seems to think im the best thing since sliced bread which is nice :D However, he is being a bit funny with telling his olds that he split with his GF 2 months ago. Even though we are only "seeing" each other it would be nice for him to tell them about me. Or maybe i am asking too much or reading too much into what that means. He still hangs out with her but doesn't want to hurt her feelings. We shall see how that goes. He seems a little threatened by my friendship with Sean so i guess i can use that to my advantage ha ha.
Been thinking a lot about where im going to move to next year and who with. My current landlord is a cock end and i just live with 5 other people. Its making me mad. I spend too much time in here doing this instead of going out and trying to fit in with the others. But i have realise since last week that we are not going to be the best of friends. We are too different. Nothing against them at all, we just don't click like that. The people i have found that are on my wave length are all having internal problems of their own and i just don't feel part of them anymore. Which is a shame as i do love them all to pieces. So now i have Rhe and Kate, but they have housemates now, so it will def be next year.
So thats the rant for today anyway :)
Spent Sat in bed with Badly Drawn Boy (thats his nick name, if got into the habit of avoiding real names much to everyones annoyance). He is a big pile of lovely, and seems to think im the best thing since sliced bread which is nice :D However, he is being a bit funny with telling his olds that he split with his GF 2 months ago. Even though we are only "seeing" each other it would be nice for him to tell them about me. Or maybe i am asking too much or reading too much into what that means. He still hangs out with her but doesn't want to hurt her feelings. We shall see how that goes. He seems a little threatened by my friendship with Sean so i guess i can use that to my advantage ha ha.
Been thinking a lot about where im going to move to next year and who with. My current landlord is a cock end and i just live with 5 other people. Its making me mad. I spend too much time in here doing this instead of going out and trying to fit in with the others. But i have realise since last week that we are not going to be the best of friends. We are too different. Nothing against them at all, we just don't click like that. The people i have found that are on my wave length are all having internal problems of their own and i just don't feel part of them anymore. Which is a shame as i do love them all to pieces. So now i have Rhe and Kate, but they have housemates now, so it will def be next year.
So thats the rant for today anyway :)
Monday, 29 October 2007
Theres a girl in his bed...
My (real) name, my height, apparently is nice and he's breaking his fourth date rule (which he never kept for me but when did we "date?"
And im 95% ok with it!
Go go gadget self therapy! Who needs prozac?!
On the negative side it means he will make me sleep on the sofa :(
And im 95% ok with it!
Go go gadget self therapy! Who needs prozac?!
On the negative side it means he will make me sleep on the sofa :(
Sunday, 28 October 2007
Things are looking up up up
I have met someone else, horrah i hear you cry! Another blind internet date, which actually worked out. Lovely, tall gentleman who is sweet, complimentary and thinks im uber sexy :P loves my arse, buys the drinks and is just lovely :)
Happy happy Charlie.
Happy happy Charlie.
Friday, 26 October 2007
When will they realise?
Iam not just going to forget about what they did over a few nights. Don't fucking make me dress up and tell me i look hot when i look like a lump, then drag me out to a club i think is really wank, tell me you will stick by me all night then ditch me for men...AGAIN. Im sorry im so totally disgusting that men dont want to snog me, but i would have thought i was more important then some snog.
They keep saying "oooh we will set you up with..." I dont need setting up. Im perfectly capable picking my own unsuitable boyfriends thankyou. Hell in a hand-basket why did i get stuck with these people? What the hell did i do to deserve this bollocks? I am so disappointed with the human race right now. There isnt many people i have left i can truly count on. I dont even have a "best mate".
I never used to be like this. I used to have more friends then i knew what to do with. Now i have a handful and most of them cant be bothered to treat me properly.
Sigh at least i have that date tonight. Im sure he will be horribly disappointed when i turn up but what are you going to do.
They keep saying "oooh we will set you up with..." I dont need setting up. Im perfectly capable picking my own unsuitable boyfriends thankyou. Hell in a hand-basket why did i get stuck with these people? What the hell did i do to deserve this bollocks? I am so disappointed with the human race right now. There isnt many people i have left i can truly count on. I dont even have a "best mate".
I never used to be like this. I used to have more friends then i knew what to do with. Now i have a handful and most of them cant be bothered to treat me properly.
Sigh at least i have that date tonight. Im sure he will be horribly disappointed when i turn up but what are you going to do.
Thursday, 25 October 2007
House mates are ghey
Dont ever trust your house mates. They promise you good times and snog people anyway
Cunts
Cunts
Wednesday, 24 October 2007
Well thats one country on my nuclear bomb list.
I was persuaded to dump Belgian today due to the fact he has been been calling me fat amongst other things all week. I went to his on Sunday night and at first it went well. We settled down to watch the grandprix and had a snuggle and a kiss in the breaks. A bit of upper body fondling etc. Then i had a nice dinner with him and his flatmate and went back to his room.
He fucking bit me. Hard. Not in a sexy nibbly pant wetting bite, a hard bite, on my stomach. I have also come away with a huge bruise on my left breast. No idea where that came from.
So in short i have been laughing off his insensitive jokes, pretending that im ok with it when really im actually really hurt. I told him last night that i wasn't happy with the way he spoke to me and hes been distant with me all day. Then he says "see ive resisted making comments all day!" and im thinking what the fuck! You shouldnt have to resist making comments, if you like someone you tell them they look nice or you how much youlook forward to seeing them. Am i over reacting here?
But (and there is always a but) he did pick me up from Seans on Sunday, it wasnt exactly close, he did text me loads when he was in Spain, that wasnt exactly cheap and he kissed me on the forehead and made me smile. Have i been too hasty?
Guess i wont know now.
Back to the drawing board.
He fucking bit me. Hard. Not in a sexy nibbly pant wetting bite, a hard bite, on my stomach. I have also come away with a huge bruise on my left breast. No idea where that came from.
So in short i have been laughing off his insensitive jokes, pretending that im ok with it when really im actually really hurt. I told him last night that i wasn't happy with the way he spoke to me and hes been distant with me all day. Then he says "see ive resisted making comments all day!" and im thinking what the fuck! You shouldnt have to resist making comments, if you like someone you tell them they look nice or you how much youlook forward to seeing them. Am i over reacting here?
But (and there is always a but) he did pick me up from Seans on Sunday, it wasnt exactly close, he did text me loads when he was in Spain, that wasnt exactly cheap and he kissed me on the forehead and made me smile. Have i been too hasty?
Guess i wont know now.
Back to the drawing board.
Monday, 22 October 2007
Forced to write something nice...
Apparently i don't write enough positive stuff so i will describe my weekend :)
As the blog below states i woke up on Friday feeling horribly sad and rubbish so Sean encouraged me by being a bastard to go over to his early. Once i got outside i felt a lot better and after riding the buses for the best part of two hours i got over there. His friend was over playing Warhammer and then his friends girlfriend turned up.
We all ate a gorgeous dinner provided by Sean was eaten and enjoyed then, of course, we all buggered off to the pub! It was an ace evening and i haven't laughed so much in ages.
The next night Sean got very drunk and rambled at me for an hour. It was the first time he has actually opened up to me properly. I'm nowhere near close to learning about what makes him tick but at least i realised a few home truths about myself and him.
As the blog below states i woke up on Friday feeling horribly sad and rubbish so Sean encouraged me by being a bastard to go over to his early. Once i got outside i felt a lot better and after riding the buses for the best part of two hours i got over there. His friend was over playing Warhammer and then his friends girlfriend turned up.
We all ate a gorgeous dinner provided by Sean was eaten and enjoyed then, of course, we all buggered off to the pub! It was an ace evening and i haven't laughed so much in ages.
The next night Sean got very drunk and rambled at me for an hour. It was the first time he has actually opened up to me properly. I'm nowhere near close to learning about what makes him tick but at least i realised a few home truths about myself and him.
Friday, 19 October 2007
Pass the prozac please...
I have woken this morning feeling terribly sad. Rather retarded as there is nothing to be sad about. But Sean has told me to upsticks and go over there so i will. We can sit and be miserable together whilst he does some washing. He's cooking roast dinner for tea tonight too, hardly in the diet plan but im at the point where i dont give a shit right now.
Maybe going outside will make me feel better :)
Maybe going outside will make me feel better :)
Tuesday, 16 October 2007
espanol senior
Belgium is in Spain and is texting me at 50p a pop so he must be keenish. Feeling ever so giggly and silly when he does text me so i must be keen too.
Diet is going well, sort of. Im craving things because i know i cant have them but i am desperate to lose the weight. I should have a picture taken of me naked so i can stick it on the fridge. Might scare my housemates into staying out of the kitchen too ha ha.
Hopefully off to see boy and ben on friday. Have text Ben but no reply. He never messages me back the bum hole. Boy has escorted herself off to Southampton for three days without telling anyone. A little unsave if you ask me but who am i to judge, I met Beligium for an hour and let him drive me home (oh yes he drives, has a flat and a job, what a winner!)
Decorated my room yesterday, skipped two days worth of lectures and have spent a ton of money too. Well for once i can afford it so i may as well take advantage ha ha.
News just in he just text me (again) to tell me he has just come back form the beach. Looking out the window has made me feel like i might be developing SAD! I dont mind the rain but everyone seems to feel so melencholoy at the moment, im sure it isnt helping!
Bugger theres cookies downstairs...
Diet is going well, sort of. Im craving things because i know i cant have them but i am desperate to lose the weight. I should have a picture taken of me naked so i can stick it on the fridge. Might scare my housemates into staying out of the kitchen too ha ha.
Hopefully off to see boy and ben on friday. Have text Ben but no reply. He never messages me back the bum hole. Boy has escorted herself off to Southampton for three days without telling anyone. A little unsave if you ask me but who am i to judge, I met Beligium for an hour and let him drive me home (oh yes he drives, has a flat and a job, what a winner!)
Decorated my room yesterday, skipped two days worth of lectures and have spent a ton of money too. Well for once i can afford it so i may as well take advantage ha ha.
News just in he just text me (again) to tell me he has just come back form the beach. Looking out the window has made me feel like i might be developing SAD! I dont mind the rain but everyone seems to feel so melencholoy at the moment, im sure it isnt helping!
Bugger theres cookies downstairs...
Sunday, 14 October 2007
Whats that coming over the hill...
Its a man thats what! Ive done it! Ive met a man! Though we shall see how it goes. Im getting a little over excited for someone who has only met him once anddrunk coffee. He drove me home though, and tickled me :P
Im going to try and take it slowly. Men in my experience are dogs and are always sniffing the crutches of other women. "Don't invest too much so early this time" said a wise friend this morning.
The diet started today as well. Oh yes, i have 9 weeks to lose a stone...Pray for me.
Im going to try and take it slowly. Men in my experience are dogs and are always sniffing the crutches of other women. "Don't invest too much so early this time" said a wise friend this morning.
The diet started today as well. Oh yes, i have 9 weeks to lose a stone...Pray for me.
Tuesday, 9 October 2007
It was all so middle class
I cooked two dinners today. The first one turned into white wine custard as i failed to print off a receipe to make a white wine sauce. I went to town to buy a coat instead. Its a nice coat. Anyway with half the shopping gone in the bin i relented and used a packet mix and added shit to it. Not actual shit. Wine, honey, mustard, onion etc etc. Turned out quite nice and ben had two helpings. However i have a tummy ache. I dont know if that was because i was eating all the stuff before it was cooked or what. Probably is.
Of course it was amazing that the dinner even happend what with the cooker "blowing up". THere i was minding my own businss when a large bang came from the area of the hob and black smoke came out. The electrian took 1.5 hours to get there and we were told it was just the light that had blown up. One fucking light. Gah. Ah well no charge was made and dnner went on as planned.
It was a nice evening, made nicer by the fact the two of them didnt mention all the shit going on :) Well done to them. Apparetly im seeing the boy for lunch tomorrow and then popping over to see ben on Friday to sit doing nothing untill i have to meet friends later. Just like the good old days. As me and whats his face are in happy land again i can go into the pub he works at and get bladdered too :P
Oh and one nice person as got hold of me on the net datinf thing, he seems nice. Im sure he'l turn out to be a heart breaking rapist but il give him the benefit of the doubt for now :)
Of course it was amazing that the dinner even happend what with the cooker "blowing up". THere i was minding my own businss when a large bang came from the area of the hob and black smoke came out. The electrian took 1.5 hours to get there and we were told it was just the light that had blown up. One fucking light. Gah. Ah well no charge was made and dnner went on as planned.
It was a nice evening, made nicer by the fact the two of them didnt mention all the shit going on :) Well done to them. Apparetly im seeing the boy for lunch tomorrow and then popping over to see ben on Friday to sit doing nothing untill i have to meet friends later. Just like the good old days. As me and whats his face are in happy land again i can go into the pub he works at and get bladdered too :P
Oh and one nice person as got hold of me on the net datinf thing, he seems nice. Im sure he'l turn out to be a heart breaking rapist but il give him the benefit of the doubt for now :)
Monday, 8 October 2007
Pub quiz
Trying to organise a Nurse Soc pub quiz is hard work. Especially when its lunch time and you are still in your PJ's. So much for the promises of making this year a good year. Internet dating is going not very well. It seems i am repugnant to the other sex even when they are desperate enough to join a website to find lurve. Ha Ha.
Ben and boy-face are coming over for dinner tomorrow which will be nice. I also went out to dinner last night with some friends. She cooked sunday roast and i ended up drink far too much wine and we deleved into the realms of our fucked up families and childhoods. Its nice to finally have people i can properly open up to without feeling embaressed or guilty. I'm quite self obsessed but i always feel guilty when i want to talk about whats bothering me. Thats why i get into messes like i am.
I should shower
Peace out
Ben and boy-face are coming over for dinner tomorrow which will be nice. I also went out to dinner last night with some friends. She cooked sunday roast and i ended up drink far too much wine and we deleved into the realms of our fucked up families and childhoods. Its nice to finally have people i can properly open up to without feeling embaressed or guilty. I'm quite self obsessed but i always feel guilty when i want to talk about whats bothering me. Thats why i get into messes like i am.
I should shower
Peace out
Saturday, 6 October 2007
Hangovers and friends
Out on the piss (again) last night. Bumped into the ex who ignored me, man that irritated me. He was wearing that stupid, dirty, smelly, hat. Gah but it doesnt matter as i had an awesome night out at the SU with Beth and her bf whos lovely then met the old Student president of the uni, Guy, and ended up on the piss with him
he's amamzing!
Shame he is gay.
Anyway the quest for a bf goes on. Its not going well but it does indeed go on :)
he's amamzing!
Shame he is gay.
Anyway the quest for a bf goes on. Its not going well but it does indeed go on :)
Tuesday, 2 October 2007
oh yeah that nutter...
The one from the pub.
Told me he was in love with me so i informed him he was unhinged.
I want a normal life :(
Told me he was in love with me so i informed him he was unhinged.
I want a normal life :(
shit + fan
Sean found the blog. He doesnt like the blog. Yeah im being unfair when i talk about him but its my feelings, its going to be onesided.
Apparetly im not a good friend. I dont think he has any idea how hypocritical he is. He has systematically built me up and ripped me apart. Ive tried to be a good mate, and i have got it horribly wrong sometimes but this is taking the piss. Yeah i have made his life pretty hard for the last few months, but it could have all been sorted if he was just honest with me.
Maybe its me. Maybe he just cant open up to me. Maybe there is something fundimentally wrong with me that makes him act like this. I am just utterly lost. All i want is for him to be happy. Maybe he would be happier without me. I doubt i will hear from him again after this last lot of words.
I am trying so hard to do this but i dont think i can. He doesnt need my attitude and i dont need his at the moment. I dont know i guess i will just have to wait from him to contact me (ha ha). I wouldnt blame him if he cut ties.
Is it so much to ask for your friend to open up to you? Fuck it. Sean if you are reading this, which i am sure you are, i'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything i did to hurt you and i hope you are sorry too. Just tell me what you need me to do and you wont be mentioned here again. Ever.
Gah
Anyway i was out on the piss last night with some uni mates and have end up with a cold and a hangover. Had a jolly time and i love Pips house. I am so moving to nine tree hill the minute my lease runs out here. I hate it here.
Hope everything works out.
Apparetly im not a good friend. I dont think he has any idea how hypocritical he is. He has systematically built me up and ripped me apart. Ive tried to be a good mate, and i have got it horribly wrong sometimes but this is taking the piss. Yeah i have made his life pretty hard for the last few months, but it could have all been sorted if he was just honest with me.
Maybe its me. Maybe he just cant open up to me. Maybe there is something fundimentally wrong with me that makes him act like this. I am just utterly lost. All i want is for him to be happy. Maybe he would be happier without me. I doubt i will hear from him again after this last lot of words.
I am trying so hard to do this but i dont think i can. He doesnt need my attitude and i dont need his at the moment. I dont know i guess i will just have to wait from him to contact me (ha ha). I wouldnt blame him if he cut ties.
Is it so much to ask for your friend to open up to you? Fuck it. Sean if you are reading this, which i am sure you are, i'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything i did to hurt you and i hope you are sorry too. Just tell me what you need me to do and you wont be mentioned here again. Ever.
Gah
Anyway i was out on the piss last night with some uni mates and have end up with a cold and a hangover. Had a jolly time and i love Pips house. I am so moving to nine tree hill the minute my lease runs out here. I hate it here.
Hope everything works out.
Saturday, 29 September 2007
Going to be a big girl now
So went to see Ross Noble on Monday which was ace. Marianne made him a doll which he loved, he spoke to her which she loved and even disputed the exsistance of the red panda.
Tuesday was spent in a dreadful mood as i had to be at Uni all day then had to work at the Horn and Shitpit whilst the freshers Pj pub crawl was inj full swing. Ruth, the cow from my tutor who has taken great delight in telling everyone last year how much she dislikes me (ive never said anything to her so i have no idea why im hated :S ) came in and pulled me over the bar for a kiss. No idea what shes playing at but its pissing me off, why cant people leave me alone!
Wednesday was spent at a Rueben gig, a punky band from back in my youth. They were supported by Enjoy Destroy and Someother band i missed most of as i was buying Merch and i was drunk. Again went with Ben and Marianne.
Wednesday was also the day i realised i really have lost all feelings for Sean. I just cannot be arsed anymore, im not a freaking doormat! Barely even said hello to me when i went over on wednesday so im thinking fuck it. If he wants to talk to me he can make the first moves. Im sick to my wisdom teeth with it. My life is too short and too hetic to bother pining over a man who probably wouldnt notice if i dropped off the end of the earth tomorrow.
Its a shame because it means i just dont like hanging out at Montreal ave anymore. I love Ben and me and Marianne are getting on better now we arent in each others pockets. But i guess we all just grow out of things after a while. Ive got less need to spend all my time over there now since me and my tutor group are getting to know each other better. I can see this being a good year.
I also have two new mumbers and a crazy man stalking me at the pub. Why are the nice guys always actually mental! The first number was a nice 32 year old called Ian who rides motorbikes (!) travels and has a good job as an aircraft engineer, or something. Lives in Yate which is a little far but i could have dealt with that...untill he starts texting me dirty things on the Wednesday night. Sigh. Im worth a little more then that. Then the mental guy asks for my number the same night. Also called Ian, works at the BBC in Bristol, flat in Clifton, probably makes a bit of cash. Then he has a few more vodkas, tells me how much he likes me, grabs my arm, tries to hug and kiss me. All whilst Lukasz had left me upstairs with this madman. Tonight he was just as bad, came up right behind me when i was trying to get some cash out for a taxi. Putting his arms around me, trying to kiss me. He text me3 times as i was working asking if he could come home with me. I mean Jesus christ hes 30 and hes acting like a love struck drunken 15 year old. I text him on the way home and told him i did not appriciate him touching me that way and reiterated that i only wanted to be friends (i dont but to be honest i think telling him i dont even like to see him anymore would prob be a bad idea). He refused to leave untill he kissed me on the cheek last night so my dorrlady had to escort me to my taxi.
Since when did everything get so complicated and so interesting at the same time? Bring on the men who arent either out for a shag or a complete loony.
I guess it could be worse, i could be a rapist...
Peace out fans
Tuesday was spent in a dreadful mood as i had to be at Uni all day then had to work at the Horn and Shitpit whilst the freshers Pj pub crawl was inj full swing. Ruth, the cow from my tutor who has taken great delight in telling everyone last year how much she dislikes me (ive never said anything to her so i have no idea why im hated :S ) came in and pulled me over the bar for a kiss. No idea what shes playing at but its pissing me off, why cant people leave me alone!
Wednesday was spent at a Rueben gig, a punky band from back in my youth. They were supported by Enjoy Destroy and Someother band i missed most of as i was buying Merch and i was drunk. Again went with Ben and Marianne.
Wednesday was also the day i realised i really have lost all feelings for Sean. I just cannot be arsed anymore, im not a freaking doormat! Barely even said hello to me when i went over on wednesday so im thinking fuck it. If he wants to talk to me he can make the first moves. Im sick to my wisdom teeth with it. My life is too short and too hetic to bother pining over a man who probably wouldnt notice if i dropped off the end of the earth tomorrow.
Its a shame because it means i just dont like hanging out at Montreal ave anymore. I love Ben and me and Marianne are getting on better now we arent in each others pockets. But i guess we all just grow out of things after a while. Ive got less need to spend all my time over there now since me and my tutor group are getting to know each other better. I can see this being a good year.
I also have two new mumbers and a crazy man stalking me at the pub. Why are the nice guys always actually mental! The first number was a nice 32 year old called Ian who rides motorbikes (!) travels and has a good job as an aircraft engineer, or something. Lives in Yate which is a little far but i could have dealt with that...untill he starts texting me dirty things on the Wednesday night. Sigh. Im worth a little more then that. Then the mental guy asks for my number the same night. Also called Ian, works at the BBC in Bristol, flat in Clifton, probably makes a bit of cash. Then he has a few more vodkas, tells me how much he likes me, grabs my arm, tries to hug and kiss me. All whilst Lukasz had left me upstairs with this madman. Tonight he was just as bad, came up right behind me when i was trying to get some cash out for a taxi. Putting his arms around me, trying to kiss me. He text me3 times as i was working asking if he could come home with me. I mean Jesus christ hes 30 and hes acting like a love struck drunken 15 year old. I text him on the way home and told him i did not appriciate him touching me that way and reiterated that i only wanted to be friends (i dont but to be honest i think telling him i dont even like to see him anymore would prob be a bad idea). He refused to leave untill he kissed me on the cheek last night so my dorrlady had to escort me to my taxi.
Since when did everything get so complicated and so interesting at the same time? Bring on the men who arent either out for a shag or a complete loony.
I guess it could be worse, i could be a rapist...
Peace out fans
Monday, 24 September 2007
Unintentional ode to Ben
The boy called me this evening to provide a distraction from the annoying girl on the bus that usually blahed at her all the way home which i thought was funny. Its a shame i didnt realise she was working as i had been in Cribs all afternoon waiting to have my hair cut. It looks ok but not as dramatic as i had hoped, and as usual it wont style because its poker fucking straight. Sigh. Its hard being a young girl in this shallow, physical appearance driven world....
Any way it's off to see Ross Noble tomorrrow, The Boy has knitted an effergy ofthe great northern comic so we shall see how that goes down. Hopefully he wont think we are crazy stalker fans with a shrine in our rooms trying to Voodoo him into bed (though as the boy hates aussies and his wife is one im sure she would think one up to the Poms)
Spoke to Sean this evening, he says he didnt know about the party on friday as the others arent talking to him, (Im not suprised to be honest but it isnt my house so it isnt my business)and thats why he had the girl over. He also claims that hes been giving me space to help me heal or something. Well thats a nice thought but he could have told me as i have been sitting here wondering what the hell is wrong with me for him to be avioding me. Bloody idiot. He claims to be wondering if he should stay in Bristol. Id like him to stay, i do miss the dick head, i could just do without the hold he has on me at the moment. The ability to make me feel wanted and needed one minute then lost and frozen out the next. I guess this is what the boy was trying to explain to me when she talked about Ben. Though Ben isnt a gormless knob.
Id like to live with Ben. He could have the spare room for his toys and he can poke me to do essays. Id poke him to go and meet a nice young proffesional girl and settle down. I would have liked to have got to know him better when i was staying there but i became a little too wrapped up in me and my misery to really chat. T hough we had a good session in the pub once and i realised he was a human and not a robot, able to rationalise everything with hte super power of being THE most patient thing on the planet. I swear the rage will turn into cancer one day. Id like to go to his wedding when he's old (itl be a last minute thing)and Jeff McDeath can be my "date"...
Daydreaming is weird.
I think i better sign off now as i have managed to fuck up my whole week by looking at some freshers timetable rather then my own. Its hard being this thick, sometimes i forget to breathe and shit.
Laters
Any way it's off to see Ross Noble tomorrrow, The Boy has knitted an effergy ofthe great northern comic so we shall see how that goes down. Hopefully he wont think we are crazy stalker fans with a shrine in our rooms trying to Voodoo him into bed (though as the boy hates aussies and his wife is one im sure she would think one up to the Poms)
Spoke to Sean this evening, he says he didnt know about the party on friday as the others arent talking to him, (Im not suprised to be honest but it isnt my house so it isnt my business)and thats why he had the girl over. He also claims that hes been giving me space to help me heal or something. Well thats a nice thought but he could have told me as i have been sitting here wondering what the hell is wrong with me for him to be avioding me. Bloody idiot. He claims to be wondering if he should stay in Bristol. Id like him to stay, i do miss the dick head, i could just do without the hold he has on me at the moment. The ability to make me feel wanted and needed one minute then lost and frozen out the next. I guess this is what the boy was trying to explain to me when she talked about Ben. Though Ben isnt a gormless knob.
Id like to live with Ben. He could have the spare room for his toys and he can poke me to do essays. Id poke him to go and meet a nice young proffesional girl and settle down. I would have liked to have got to know him better when i was staying there but i became a little too wrapped up in me and my misery to really chat. T hough we had a good session in the pub once and i realised he was a human and not a robot, able to rationalise everything with hte super power of being THE most patient thing on the planet. I swear the rage will turn into cancer one day. Id like to go to his wedding when he's old (itl be a last minute thing)and Jeff McDeath can be my "date"...
Daydreaming is weird.
I think i better sign off now as i have managed to fuck up my whole week by looking at some freshers timetable rather then my own. Its hard being this thick, sometimes i forget to breathe and shit.
Laters
Saturday, 22 September 2007
So my first blog...
If you dont count that verbal piffle that was my rant on Myspace! Hello fellow Bloggers and blog lurkers this is my first attempt at a blog. It's a bit like when i claimed i "hated" converse shoes...but 4 years later bought some anyway.
I apologise in advance if anyone i know stumbles upon this and is offended...obviously if i didnt want people to read this i would have written on that ancient artifact known as paper, but there is some sick part of me that craves attention whether it is positive of negative...il just go ahead and blame my mother or something!
So the main point of this online bandwagon is to tell you all about my life...that is if yours is so boring you have to read the accounts of others...It will mostly be bitching as that is what i do best. I am Madame grump and i enjoy that label.
So the last few months...what a rollercoaster ride of emotion and tantrums that has been. For those who have had the displeasure of reading my garbled and slated myspaz blog you will know the story. I meet a man on the internet, turns out he used to work for PGL and lives in Bristol. He comes round with curry, we have sex, i already know he is engaged, we carry on sleeping with each other till he breaks up with the fiance, then it all goes to shit. Take a mental breath.
Without going into too much boring detail me and Sean were really into each other. I was pondering about what to do over my summer holiday and he suggests i move into his house with Ben and Marianne (and later Sam). As i spend most of my spare time at thier house anyway (they are all self confessed geeks, have the same sick sense of humour i do and can be some of the best people you would ever want to be with) i hastly agree and cancel my plans to go back to PGL. At first it is fine. I am sharing a room with Sean and getting on with the others fine. The girl who has been living there over the past month as apparently the uni tutor she was living with has fallen in love with her. (What is it about this girl, everyone wants her!!) So it takes me a few days to realise that Sean doesnt want anything to do with me. Fast forward the next 6 weeks where i am going through emotional hell wondering what is going on between them hearing different things from different people and i finally get it out of him that he likes her and wants to see what might happen.
So now here we are. I am now in my new digs back with the old flat mates and promptly being ignored by Daniel. He has all the time in the world for her yet none for me. Go figure. But hey it can only get better right? Im off to see Ross Noble on Monday, i get to work on Tuesday night and I get to see a band called Ruben on wednesday. That coupled with the next few weeks filled with lectures, Nursing society events and getting horribly drunk im sure i wont have that much time to even think about it anymore.
Anyway that is the horribly emotionally emo bit out of the way and im sure the next few posts are going to be a lot more light hearted and witty. It may not be updated that often as i feel that it is a waste of my time to start writing "i woke up today and had a piece of taost then i had a shower then i had another piece of toast..."
Anyway laters fans
xx
I apologise in advance if anyone i know stumbles upon this and is offended...obviously if i didnt want people to read this i would have written on that ancient artifact known as paper, but there is some sick part of me that craves attention whether it is positive of negative...il just go ahead and blame my mother or something!
So the main point of this online bandwagon is to tell you all about my life...that is if yours is so boring you have to read the accounts of others...It will mostly be bitching as that is what i do best. I am Madame grump and i enjoy that label.
So the last few months...what a rollercoaster ride of emotion and tantrums that has been. For those who have had the displeasure of reading my garbled and slated myspaz blog you will know the story. I meet a man on the internet, turns out he used to work for PGL and lives in Bristol. He comes round with curry, we have sex, i already know he is engaged, we carry on sleeping with each other till he breaks up with the fiance, then it all goes to shit. Take a mental breath.
Without going into too much boring detail me and Sean were really into each other. I was pondering about what to do over my summer holiday and he suggests i move into his house with Ben and Marianne (and later Sam). As i spend most of my spare time at thier house anyway (they are all self confessed geeks, have the same sick sense of humour i do and can be some of the best people you would ever want to be with) i hastly agree and cancel my plans to go back to PGL. At first it is fine. I am sharing a room with Sean and getting on with the others fine. The girl who has been living there over the past month as apparently the uni tutor she was living with has fallen in love with her. (What is it about this girl, everyone wants her!!) So it takes me a few days to realise that Sean doesnt want anything to do with me. Fast forward the next 6 weeks where i am going through emotional hell wondering what is going on between them hearing different things from different people and i finally get it out of him that he likes her and wants to see what might happen.
So now here we are. I am now in my new digs back with the old flat mates and promptly being ignored by Daniel. He has all the time in the world for her yet none for me. Go figure. But hey it can only get better right? Im off to see Ross Noble on Monday, i get to work on Tuesday night and I get to see a band called Ruben on wednesday. That coupled with the next few weeks filled with lectures, Nursing society events and getting horribly drunk im sure i wont have that much time to even think about it anymore.
Anyway that is the horribly emotionally emo bit out of the way and im sure the next few posts are going to be a lot more light hearted and witty. It may not be updated that often as i feel that it is a waste of my time to start writing "i woke up today and had a piece of taost then i had a shower then i had another piece of toast..."
Anyway laters fans
xx
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