Good or shit

http://goodorshit.blogspot.com/2010_11_01_archive.html

New blog yeah.

Venison

Nearly hit this


With this

today.

Luckily i am a country girl and always expect idiot wildlife to jump out into the road at dusk. Shame i wasn't in something bigger because venison is lovely.

Oh yeah and then

I got someone suspended at work on Tuesday and yelled at someone today for being rude and feel horribly bad about it.

Argh.

I need some goddamn fun

This week

Very quickly;

- Started a new cake business which is doing well but i need more customers
- Found that a combination of 2 hours of dentistry, having to make your own dinner knowing full well it'l be agony eating it then spending an evening alone is a good way to put you in a shit mood for a few days
- Bought a dress for a wedding that needs altering
- Has a date on Friday
- Feeling unappreciated
- Having a new life plan fucked by the government so i am STILL stuck in my job
- I suck at rolling dice
- New friends are fun but i need more
- I need a holiday...i need someone to go on holiday with

Fin.

Meant to put this up earlier in the week

A German student "mooned" a group of Hell's Angels and hurled a puppy at them before escaping on a stolen bulldozer, police have said.

Best news story of 2010. Fact.

Golly where did that come from?

I took my measurements last night 32 28 46. Fourty-chuffing-six. I put back on the weight i lost last year and after catching myself in the reflection of a bus stop today looking terrible i have realised i can't keep up like this.

My sisters boyfriend has offered to put me a plan together (he used to be a personal trainer) of exercise and a diet that should be easy enough to understand, probably not so easy to follow though! I ideally want to lose about 3 stone in weight and actually do it this time.

Yes i am well aware this about the 30th post on my being a fatty, i just seem to have no will power at all, this is not a good thing!

Oh noes!

The sleeping tablets work alright, but i dreamt that i was on holiday and Dan turned up with his girlfriend and everyone was on his side.

Fuck you sleeping pills ¬_¬

Soooooo

I've been signed off work for a few days with stress, anxiety and insomnia and have been prescribed sleeping pills. The Dr seems to think it is unresolved issues concerning my father dying 10 years ago. I'm not so sure but it's a start. She has referred me for free counciling so we shall see how that goes.

I feel better now someone is listening and taking notice who can provide me with pills and help so that's a bonus.

Anyway, here is something that made me smile.

Roses only last like a couple weeks and that's if you leave them in water and they really only exist to be pretty so that's like saying "my love for you is transitory and based solely on your appearance" but a potato! potatos last for fucking ever, man in fact, not only will they not rot, they actually grow shit even if you just leave them in the sack that part alone makes it a good symbol but there's more! there are so many ways to enjoy a potato! you can even make a battery with it! and that's like saying "i have many ways in which I show my love for you" and potatoes may be ugly, but they're still awesome so that's like saying "it doesn't matter at all what you look like, I'll still love you"

I would quite happily accept a potato as a gift on this basis!

Never

Pixie took me out and it seems a lot better. Ten point plan made and ready to be put into action...

Worrying

I am rather concerned by my erratic behaviour of late. I was up at 2am this morning cleaning my bathroom because i thought the sink looked dirty. I am constantly cooking or baking and i haven't seen anyone i know in 24 hours and no one is answering my text messages. This has caused one panic attack and one episode of hysterical tears. I also keep waking up in the night thinking there is something in the flat. Not someone. Something.

This, with the undiagnosed rash is all causing a bit of a headache. I seem to have gone batshit mental and i don't have much of a clue as to why.

I'm fed up of being on my own and fed up of being an emotional wreck.

Le Fuck take two

Here is how not to spend a Saturday.

Do not get up, realise the rash on your arm has got worse, call NHS Direct, get told someone will call you back later, check your symptoms on-line and have the Nurse who calls you back send you to the walk in centre.

Do not then expect to be seen in about 30 minutes at the walk in centre but sit for 2 hours after having no breakfast waiting to called in only to be told that they haven't a clue what is wrong with you but it might be bad so just keep an eye on it.

It isn't a great idea to then go into your place of work filled with the elderly and pregnant staff members brandishing this mystery rash around only to be told that it could in fact the shingles which is detrimental to the health of everyone who prodded me today.

So that is another day off work, another trip to a medical professional on Monday and fingers crossed it isn't shingles and i am spared the pain it brings on.

Bugger.

When it rains

So after the horrible news that my friends relationship had broken down (she is now sofa surfing) mine also came to an end.

We realised we were just far too different and it was probably best all round to quit whilst we still liked each and go back to being friends. I will miss him terribly but onward and upwards as they say.

Still you were an exquisite mistake and thank you.

ARGH

A few things that holidays have taught me.

I have just been away for a week in Whitby on the Yorkshire coast with a few friends and a 15 month old child. I won 't bore you with details but i have since discovered a lot about myself from this experience.

1) I have a great deal more patience then i give myself credit for
2) When pushed to the very edge of exhaustion i can nap in the afternoon
3) Don't expect your phone to go off every five minutes with people asking how you are. They are enjoying the break from you as much as you should be from them.
4) Don't underestimate how ridiculous some people can be, I have learnt to forgive and forget rather then seeth and regret
5) It won't be 100% nice 100% of the time and it is up to you to make the magic happen
6) I do not want kids. Ever. Seriously. Ever.
7) You will not receive a fanfare when you get in through the door home, it's just another day.
8) Being over tired makes you stroppy and horrible but i have learnt to take it out on myself rather then rock the boat
9) Ask for a hug if you want one
10) Always have an escape plan for when it gets too much
11) I am happy i survived and made a new friend in the process. Her family think i am pretty ace too!

I will post pictures up (i hardly got any unfortunately) when i feel a bit more human.

Inked

Simple, sweet and very me.

A wise internet site once told me...

To spend you life pretending to be someone else is a waste of you. I think i will keep that one! Also things that have inspired me this week are;










Yeah i'd actually write something but quiet frankly i am shattered to hell! Catch you in the week :D

I sew dead people

Went back to the morgue today and got to help the assistant take out two pacemakers and sewed the bodies back up! Apparently my sewing is brilliant and neither of them looked too much like Frankenstein's Monster. I just hope one day i can get down there permanently.

Saturday

Saturday was hard. Really really hard. It was a day of celebrating birthdays and i put on a brave face but i struggled. I woke this morning feeling emotionally drained (and was rather shitty to everyone) and i am now throwing myself into entertaining my Mum and Step Father. I'm almost glad no one mentioned it yesterday as i'm not sure how dignified i could have kept it. I wish i knew why this is so prominent this year instead of the others...

Hopefully by tomorrow i will be back to normal, i am ready to sort my new tattoo too, who knows maybe they will have space tomorrow for me?

Urgh, emotions are rubbish.

Wot i has been doing and that

We are not at home to Mr Grump.

So yesterday was a shitty day as i realised that it is my father anniversary on Saturday. I wouldn't usually fixate on such things and go about living my life as normal but there is always something more poignant about a big anniversary, this being the tenth. I came to realisation that i am now at an age where he would have been more of my mate then a Dad and i would have been hitting those mile stones. Like introducing him to the boy you might marry or telling him about your first job that you are actually earning a salary or showing him the fruits of your cooking/crafting labour and him being supportive.

I am hugely grateful to the parent i have left and my step father for all they have done but honestly it doesn't replace having a father in your life. Sometimes i wish he was just a crap Dad who left me because at least there would be something to have feelings at rather then a very hazy memory of his face (I was 13 when he died but my brain is very good at blocking out vast amounts of my childhood/teenage years and he happens to be part of that, in total i think i have lost about 3 years in memories).

Though this weekend is going to be one of much joy celebrating birthdays with friends and having my parents down to stay for the first time in four years it will all be edged with sadness which is a shame.

Miss you Dad.

Good god this is still here?

Well well i had forgotten i even had a blog! I like to think this is mostly because things have been going rather well on the whole. I have a lovely boyfriend who makes me very happy and hopefully he feels the same, my job is ok (i haven't gone postal or cried so it can't be that bad) i have lost weight and put half of it back on but that is more that i just can't put cake down rather than i am sad. I am fit, and healthy bar the ankle that refuses to heal and i am really coming into my own with my "look". To some people a look really isn't that important but for me who has dressed like either a 15 year old boy or an ageing slapper in the past this is a big thing!

I am having a few confidence wobbles (tonight being one of them). I'm not sure what happened but the minute i left work i suddenly felt very very low and very irritable. This resulted in some obsessive washing up (you know i am sad because i am cleaning) and listening to angry or sad music very loudly and just being horrible to my mates. I am working on snapping out of it but failing miserably hence i have been in bed since 8:45 to save them from me.

I have found a new dream for my future which is not the boho cafe (because lets face it there is no way any idiot would give me a loan to buy one) which is being a mortuary assistant. Some may think that is bonkers but i spent an hour down at the morgue today to see what people get up to down there and it was good fun! I got to measure someone, got to lay a young lad out for a viewing and then enter the information on the computer. All in all a good way to spend an hour and the guy who works there said i can pop back any time i like :)He makes a good coffee too.

So just to let you know i am not dead, i will get back onto updating this a little more regularly i will also let you know how i get on with my mega list of amazing goodness.

The 30ish point (and expanding) plan for 2010

The full list is as follows;

1) Do the open top bus ride around Bristol
2) Do the Boat pub crawl
3) Visit at least 3 museums
4) Go to the zoo
5) GO to the aquarium
6) Do the ghost tour
7) Take a trip to London
8) Visit at least one castle
9) Take myself and Matt horse riding
10) Have a long weekend at the beach
11) Have a holiday in St Ives
12) Drop two dress sizes
13) Have a proper dinner party
14) Have a professional photo taken (i am having that done on the 14th)
15) Go to a PYO farm and make jam
16) Go clubbing at least once this year
17) See at least one band i know and love
18) Learn to make a dress (or alter one to fit)
19) Make and design some tote bags
20) Make some cushions
21) Have a proper cream tea in Devon
22) Stretch my ear lobe to 6mm
23) Get a new tattoo
24) Start to regularly role play
25) Win the pub quiz
26) Buy a car
27) Watch one good film a fortnight
28) See at least two good friends a week (that isn't Ben)
29) Make my own wine
30) Grow something!
31) Go to a wedding
32) Find a style that i love!

I realised i had posted this up on Facebook but not up on my blog (my poor neglected blog, i'm sorry :( ) If anyone has any good suggestions then please let me know, the main thing is they are affordable and able to be done in a day or weekend. I completely stuffed up with this list in 2009 (i didn't write it down or stick to it) so i intend to do a minimum of 75%.

Wish me luck!

Duck and the Cauliflour

This photo pretty much sums up my new year. Will post something worthy tomorrow :)