Today i was walking into Tesco when a leaf floated down in front of me and i caught it. I then did a celebratory "yesssss"
My life is average.
Friday, 30 October 2009
Sunday, 25 October 2009
Unrequited lust
I find myself in a predicament and lamenting the fact i have a women's brain. I am hopelessly in lust with the most inappropriate person and the feeling is not mutual. I wonder why my body and brain allows themselves to quietly obsess about a person who is clearly not interested. Surely for the sake of self preservation and to secure the means of survival of the human race by breeding i should be attracted to men who actually are attainable but unfortunately i seem to be wired up incorrectly. Time and time a again i get into situations where i take things further then i should and i am left hurt and a bit used or i become jealous to the point of distraction because i fancy a bloke who, to be quite honest would make a better friend then potential husband (yes i said husband!). It seems i am not happy unless i am driving myself stir crazy picking faults with myself to explain why someone just isn't attracted to me. Why do i and almost every other female out there do this?
Of course the sensible, adult part of my brain is screaming and wailing "he's just not that into you and that's ok, it doesn't make him a bastard!!" but the crippling self doubt and body hang ups from my teen years overwhelm it. I actually happen to quite like myself as a whole. I like the way i'm put together (even if there is a tad too much of it at the moment), i like my sense of humour, i am kind and thoughtful, i'm a giver not a taker but when it comes to the opposite sex all that goes out of the window and start to pick faults with myself to justify why some men don't want to be with me. How did this become normal? More importantly how do you stop yourself from doing this? Is there away to just take a deep breath, shake off the doubt and realise that actually he can rub whoever's leg he wants, he can talk to who he pleases and my goodness he can take a phone number if he wants to. I shouldn't feel personally slighted because someone i like may like someone else, last time i checked i wasn't 15 and i didn't have the monopoly of every bloke i have passing attraction to. I am hardly short of confidence, i just seem to be short of common sense.
Perhaps i need to start listening to my head rather then my libido.
Of course the sensible, adult part of my brain is screaming and wailing "he's just not that into you and that's ok, it doesn't make him a bastard!!" but the crippling self doubt and body hang ups from my teen years overwhelm it. I actually happen to quite like myself as a whole. I like the way i'm put together (even if there is a tad too much of it at the moment), i like my sense of humour, i am kind and thoughtful, i'm a giver not a taker but when it comes to the opposite sex all that goes out of the window and start to pick faults with myself to justify why some men don't want to be with me. How did this become normal? More importantly how do you stop yourself from doing this? Is there away to just take a deep breath, shake off the doubt and realise that actually he can rub whoever's leg he wants, he can talk to who he pleases and my goodness he can take a phone number if he wants to. I shouldn't feel personally slighted because someone i like may like someone else, last time i checked i wasn't 15 and i didn't have the monopoly of every bloke i have passing attraction to. I am hardly short of confidence, i just seem to be short of common sense.
Perhaps i need to start listening to my head rather then my libido.
Monday, 19 October 2009
Media rant
I had the misfortune of having waking up to Lady Gaga's groin gyrating and thrusting on my TV screen on Sunday morning and it did not set me up in the best of moods. Now call me a conservative or a prude but how is this ok at 10am on a Sunday? It's soft core porn surely? It seems that music videos can get away with almost anything these days with Gaga and Madonna and Christina in those chaps legs akimbo and gusset poised to consume it's prey, the famous "Call on me" Video, all with women in crazy high-legged leotards bring camel toes into fashion. Did i miss that copy of heat where fanny flaps were this seasons next accessory?
I don't have many a good word to say about female artists such as Avril Levigne (how do you spell it?) or Hayley whats her face from Paramore. However i would much rather my hypothetical children were watching girls wearing t-shirts and jeans singing about boys being stupid and wearing too much eyeliner rather then watching women striding around almost naked, singing about stealing other peoples boyfriends because they are "wrong" (i hear it's because they perform oral on a first date but perhaps the Pussy Cat Dolls have some self respect) and riding disco sticks. I cannot believe for one minute that this is good for a 10 year old girl to be watching? Are mothers serious when they let this sort of thing into their kids lives? I know it isn't all that easy what with radio and sky tv being so easily accessible but come on! MTV is gratuitous soft porn for teenagers these days i swear.
Like i said call me a prude if you wish but i for one am glad i bought myself up on rock music rather then the pop music that passes for family entertainment these days.
Say it with me "LESS MUFF MORE MUSIC!"
Is that man touching her muff?
We have a theory that Madonnas lady garden actually has teeth like Alien...yeah, think about it.
I don't have many a good word to say about female artists such as Avril Levigne (how do you spell it?) or Hayley whats her face from Paramore. However i would much rather my hypothetical children were watching girls wearing t-shirts and jeans singing about boys being stupid and wearing too much eyeliner rather then watching women striding around almost naked, singing about stealing other peoples boyfriends because they are "wrong" (i hear it's because they perform oral on a first date but perhaps the Pussy Cat Dolls have some self respect) and riding disco sticks. I cannot believe for one minute that this is good for a 10 year old girl to be watching? Are mothers serious when they let this sort of thing into their kids lives? I know it isn't all that easy what with radio and sky tv being so easily accessible but come on! MTV is gratuitous soft porn for teenagers these days i swear.
Like i said call me a prude if you wish but i for one am glad i bought myself up on rock music rather then the pop music that passes for family entertainment these days.
Say it with me "LESS MUFF MORE MUSIC!"
Is that man touching her muff?
We have a theory that Madonnas lady garden actually has teeth like Alien...yeah, think about it.
Saturday, 10 October 2009
To war, to victory!
Saw this and thought it was rather funny.
There's the guy Jeff I work with, real smart guy. Has a past, though. One of the things he told me about from his college was too strange not to share. He told me this story after I told him were my relatives lived.
He and his friends declared war on Sweden.
No, really. It started when one of his friends wanted to start a Scrabble group, and I forgot what the name was, but the initials were SAAB. So he tried to register saab.com, only to find it was taken! By a Swedish car manufacturer, even! Well, he got mad, and while slightly drunk, decalred war on Sweden. He wrote this letter, formally declaring war on Sweden, and sent it to the Swedish Embassy, The King of Sweden, and SAAB headquarters in Sweden. The letter outlined their rage at the name SAAB being stolen, and said that they would get their Navy, which consisted of three college guys and a canoe, row to Sweden (which they anticipated would take a few months), and attack in one of Stockholm's harbors after they had a bite to eat.
A few months later, they got a box from Sweden. It was from the SAAB headquaters, and it had a letter of its own. SAAB said that they were sorry the name had been taken, and hoped the package arrived before their Navy departed. The explained that SAAB didn't just make cars, but engines for military aircraft, and hoped that their contribution of an air force to their Navy war on Sweden would be taken as a formal apology.
The package contained about 100 of those "ready-to-assemble" balsa wood kits of rubber-band driven airplanes. With the SAAB logo, of course.
That is really cool! I am glad to say the people at SAAB have a good sense of humor.
There's the guy Jeff I work with, real smart guy. Has a past, though. One of the things he told me about from his college was too strange not to share. He told me this story after I told him were my relatives lived.
He and his friends declared war on Sweden.
No, really. It started when one of his friends wanted to start a Scrabble group, and I forgot what the name was, but the initials were SAAB. So he tried to register saab.com, only to find it was taken! By a Swedish car manufacturer, even! Well, he got mad, and while slightly drunk, decalred war on Sweden. He wrote this letter, formally declaring war on Sweden, and sent it to the Swedish Embassy, The King of Sweden, and SAAB headquarters in Sweden. The letter outlined their rage at the name SAAB being stolen, and said that they would get their Navy, which consisted of three college guys and a canoe, row to Sweden (which they anticipated would take a few months), and attack in one of Stockholm's harbors after they had a bite to eat.
A few months later, they got a box from Sweden. It was from the SAAB headquaters, and it had a letter of its own. SAAB said that they were sorry the name had been taken, and hoped the package arrived before their Navy departed. The explained that SAAB didn't just make cars, but engines for military aircraft, and hoped that their contribution of an air force to their Navy war on Sweden would be taken as a formal apology.
The package contained about 100 of those "ready-to-assemble" balsa wood kits of rubber-band driven airplanes. With the SAAB logo, of course.
That is really cool! I am glad to say the people at SAAB have a good sense of humor.
Thursday, 8 October 2009
You want to book it where?
I seem to be posting a lot of pictures up of other peoples work instead of writing about what's happening to me. Mostly this is because i am devoid of any talent when it comes to being funny and drawing at the same time.
So me, well the split has affected me more then i gave myself credit for. I did really like him and it makes it worse that this isn't his fault, he just has stupid brain chemicals and there is nothing any of us can do. I feel it is my pride that has taken the brunt of the battering, he has all the cards and he has them in a locked box strapped to his chest. He text me an apology on the Tuesday but refused to reply after i sent him a message back.
I don't know if opening up the wound would do either of us any good but he has managed to make himself feel better by removing the factor causing him too much stress (me) and has transferred that negative energy to me. I have managed to turn it all in on myself and if i am not not careful i start to believe that this is all my fault or he met someone else. Of course none of this true (hopefully) but it doesn't stop it being real in my stupid head.
Anyway i will be fine in a week and it is nothing that a few pizzas and friends can't solve. It was nice whilst it lasted and it was nice for it to have been with someone who had nothing to do with any of the shit of the past 3 years.
To change the subject work is getting on ok but the ward night out i organised was a complete disaster. People were rude, drunk and surly. The food wasn't up to scratch, i wasn't given what i was promised and to round it off we ended up in a terrible club which set my nasty head cold back off again. I was in bed by 12am and felt awful for two days afterwards. You can understand how i feel that i have to organise the sodding xmas party too. Most have them have claimed that at a hotel venue i have booked the food is too posh, the venue too far away and the price of £35 (3 course meal, DJ and disco and gorgeous views!!) is far too expensive...THEY ALL EARN MORE THEN ME!!. Jesus if it isn't chicken in a basket then they don't want to know. In fact they all want to go to a local buffet restaurant...for a christmas meal. It's cheap, cheerful and nearby and thats what they want. Only 6 people included me have paid deposits for the hotel and quite frankly i have had enough. I tried to find another place to eat but Tapas is too foreign, Italian doesn't have a turkey dinner option (where the hell is the turkey dinner option for a buffet restaurant that only serves Indian, Chinese, Mexican and Italian food??) and i flat out refused to do it in a Harvester.
My manager has spoken, we are going to go to the hotel anyway. If you don't want to come then you can go to the buffet place and you can organise it yourself. 3 weeks i;ve been trying to organise this thing so if you miss out then tough. Grrr.
People are hell sometimes.
So me, well the split has affected me more then i gave myself credit for. I did really like him and it makes it worse that this isn't his fault, he just has stupid brain chemicals and there is nothing any of us can do. I feel it is my pride that has taken the brunt of the battering, he has all the cards and he has them in a locked box strapped to his chest. He text me an apology on the Tuesday but refused to reply after i sent him a message back.
I don't know if opening up the wound would do either of us any good but he has managed to make himself feel better by removing the factor causing him too much stress (me) and has transferred that negative energy to me. I have managed to turn it all in on myself and if i am not not careful i start to believe that this is all my fault or he met someone else. Of course none of this true (hopefully) but it doesn't stop it being real in my stupid head.
Anyway i will be fine in a week and it is nothing that a few pizzas and friends can't solve. It was nice whilst it lasted and it was nice for it to have been with someone who had nothing to do with any of the shit of the past 3 years.
To change the subject work is getting on ok but the ward night out i organised was a complete disaster. People were rude, drunk and surly. The food wasn't up to scratch, i wasn't given what i was promised and to round it off we ended up in a terrible club which set my nasty head cold back off again. I was in bed by 12am and felt awful for two days afterwards. You can understand how i feel that i have to organise the sodding xmas party too. Most have them have claimed that at a hotel venue i have booked the food is too posh, the venue too far away and the price of £35 (3 course meal, DJ and disco and gorgeous views!!) is far too expensive...THEY ALL EARN MORE THEN ME!!. Jesus if it isn't chicken in a basket then they don't want to know. In fact they all want to go to a local buffet restaurant...for a christmas meal. It's cheap, cheerful and nearby and thats what they want. Only 6 people included me have paid deposits for the hotel and quite frankly i have had enough. I tried to find another place to eat but Tapas is too foreign, Italian doesn't have a turkey dinner option (where the hell is the turkey dinner option for a buffet restaurant that only serves Indian, Chinese, Mexican and Italian food??) and i flat out refused to do it in a Harvester.
My manager has spoken, we are going to go to the hotel anyway. If you don't want to come then you can go to the buffet place and you can organise it yourself. 3 weeks i;ve been trying to organise this thing so if you miss out then tough. Grrr.
People are hell sometimes.
Wednesday, 7 October 2009
Monday, 5 October 2009
Things to make me feel better
Here are some pictures that i have found and like that help me keep things in perspective. If there is one thing i am learning every day is don't take yourself too seriously ;)
Sunday, 4 October 2009
Back to square one
I was rather unceremoniously dumped today via text. I had no idea that 31 year old men did this but there we go. I would rather not go too far into why he has finished with me as he is entitled to his privacy but it was rather out of the blue.
I'm a little upset as you can imagine, we were only together 2.5 months max but we were talking about holidays, weekends away, christmas, our birthdays and i feel a little like a rug has been whipped from underneath me and i am left a little bewildered how i have ended up single yet again.
I am trying to be good and not turn this into a reflection onto me because it isn't my fault he has decided to end it, it's due to his problems, but one has to wonder about my choices of men. I am still choosing the wrong men even though i am making a concerted effort not to! Maybe this is some physiological thing and my sub-concious is making me attracted to men who are either socially inept, have mental health problems that they are not willing to treat or are just bastards.
Yes i am only 22, there are plenty more fish and i will meet him eventually but i am a little bored of kissing frogs.
Never mind i still have my crochet, my goldfish and a metric fuck ton of baking to do before i jack it all in and become a recluse or a nun.
At least i can stop shaving my legs again, every cloud eh?
I'm a little upset as you can imagine, we were only together 2.5 months max but we were talking about holidays, weekends away, christmas, our birthdays and i feel a little like a rug has been whipped from underneath me and i am left a little bewildered how i have ended up single yet again.
I am trying to be good and not turn this into a reflection onto me because it isn't my fault he has decided to end it, it's due to his problems, but one has to wonder about my choices of men. I am still choosing the wrong men even though i am making a concerted effort not to! Maybe this is some physiological thing and my sub-concious is making me attracted to men who are either socially inept, have mental health problems that they are not willing to treat or are just bastards.
Yes i am only 22, there are plenty more fish and i will meet him eventually but i am a little bored of kissing frogs.
Never mind i still have my crochet, my goldfish and a metric fuck ton of baking to do before i jack it all in and become a recluse or a nun.
At least i can stop shaving my legs again, every cloud eh?
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