I find myself in a predicament and lamenting the fact i have a women's brain. I am hopelessly in lust with the most inappropriate person and the feeling is not mutual. I wonder why my body and brain allows themselves to quietly obsess about a person who is clearly not interested. Surely for the sake of self preservation and to secure the means of survival of the human race by breeding i should be attracted to men who actually are attainable but unfortunately i seem to be wired up incorrectly. Time and time a again i get into situations where i take things further then i should and i am left hurt and a bit used or i become jealous to the point of distraction because i fancy a bloke who, to be quite honest would make a better friend then potential husband (yes i said husband!). It seems i am not happy unless i am driving myself stir crazy picking faults with myself to explain why someone just isn't attracted to me. Why do i and almost every other female out there do this?
Of course the sensible, adult part of my brain is screaming and wailing "he's just not that into you and that's ok, it doesn't make him a bastard!!" but the crippling self doubt and body hang ups from my teen years overwhelm it. I actually happen to quite like myself as a whole. I like the way i'm put together (even if there is a tad too much of it at the moment), i like my sense of humour, i am kind and thoughtful, i'm a giver not a taker but when it comes to the opposite sex all that goes out of the window and start to pick faults with myself to justify why some men don't want to be with me. How did this become normal? More importantly how do you stop yourself from doing this? Is there away to just take a deep breath, shake off the doubt and realise that actually he can rub whoever's leg he wants, he can talk to who he pleases and my goodness he can take a phone number if he wants to. I shouldn't feel personally slighted because someone i like may like someone else, last time i checked i wasn't 15 and i didn't have the monopoly of every bloke i have passing attraction to. I am hardly short of confidence, i just seem to be short of common sense.
Perhaps i need to start listening to my head rather then my libido.
5 comments:
Oh darlin... I hate to be the one to tell you this... but it's not just you... we are all just that crazy... and it don't get any better when you get older... however confident you may appear on the outside and however gorgeous, funny, witty, intelligent and thoroughly perfect in every way we may be, we are all cursed with cripplingly low self esteem, terrible fits of the green eyed monster and funnily enough... so are the boys... they just don't show it to us.
And let's be honest chica, any man who would turn you down is clearly either gay or has such a load of emotional baggage that he would be nothing but head pain to you anyway!
Ha i was going to call you earlier for advice but then thought better of it, you're so good at knowing what to say and when to say it sometimes!
If you find the cure, do tell me. It's a malady boys suffer from too, I'm afraid...
Woo yeah!!!... I am Auntie Bex, agony advice expert to the nerd squad and all peripheral agents... fear me and my awesome skills!!!
I fear i fear. You can't grant wishes though can you, harumph.
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